Transcript
My process, as a writer, when I'm thinking about a book is a bit strange. I tend to be attracted to writing about things I'm not good at. I think that I write out of my own need and I was a person years ago who was in the process of destroying his own marriage; and I didn't get it.
I Thought I Was Married to a Discontent Woman
I thought that I was married to a fundamentally discontent woman. I kept telling her that and I kept telling her that I would pray for her -- that helped her -- when it was actually me. And I was very angry and that anger was spilling out all over the place; and I began to realize that my problem in my marriage was not about the other person. It was not about the situations that we are in. It was not about those range of responsibilities that everybody faced. It was really me.
It was just a radical insight for me and when I began to deal with that, real change began to take place. Think about it. If you ask the average husband what's wrong with his marriage, he probably won't talk about himself. He'll talk about his wife. You ask the average wife what's wrong with her marriage, she probably won't talk about herself. She'll talk about her husband because they're buying into this delusion that my biggest problem is outside of me, not inside of me.
I wrote this book so that people would be able to look into the mirror of the word of God and begin to see themselves as they actually are, and begin to say, "Oh my, maybe it is me. Maybe there are things that I'm wanting, that I'm thinking, that I'm doing that are destructive to this relationship." When you can get a husband to that level of honesty, a wife to that level of honesty, where now, they're needy and they're reaching out for help, you're at the edge of real good things for their marriage.
