Transcript
I think the thing that makes What Did You Expect? [Redeeming the Realities of Marriage] different from other marriage books is I'm essentially proposing that marriage is war. Now, that's a happy thought. What I mean by that is not those skirmishes at the horizontal level between husbands and wives that so often are the content of marriage books. You know, arguments over finances or sex or who is in charge of what; but that marriage is really the product of a deeper war and that war is fought on the turf of my heart.
The Claustrophobic Kingdom of One
I'm a fundamentally selfish person. I want my own way and I want to co-opt that other person in my life into the service of my little claustrophobic kingdom of one. When you have two people doing that, there's just no way that marriage is going to work.
Let me say it this way. I think that part of the problem is Western culture dating. I think Western culture dating is just a step above used car sales because when I'm dating, the last thing I want is for this person to get to know me because I'm trying to sell myself to this person.
So a man who doesn't like to shop will shop. He'll say, "Yes, dear. I'd love to go to another twelve stores and look for those shoes that are in your head, and probably never, ever been produced because, baby, when I'm with you, I'm shoppalistic."
When She Watches Sports for You
A woman who doesn't like sports will watch sports. She'll say, "Yes, dear, I'd love to watch another game." Now, in the middle of the game, she'll give it away because she'll say something like this. "My, aren't their uniforms cute?" A man would never say that. If a man thought that, he'd be terrified. And then, six months into marriage, this woman is crying, "This is not the man I married." This is the man you married. The man you dated was a fake.
It's that sort of thing where we really don't understand what it is we're actually struggling with in marriage. What Did You Expect? [Redeeming the Realities of Marriage] goes after that deeper war, goes after the stuff that all of us bring into our marriages that fundamentally make marriage the war that it often is you.
