Transcript
My wife and I grew up in the same neighborhood. We went to the same high school together. We sang in the choir. I proposed to her while I was still in high school. We got married when we were 18. My wife put me through college. She was the secretary and I couldn't wait to finish college so I could start my business career, and I was a very driven man.
Chasing the Finer Things
I started my own company and worked real hard. I wanted the finer things in life, wanted the big house, the fancy cars, and I became a workaholic. First, it was the coming home for dinner and going back to work. Then I would stop coming home for dinner because I didn't want to give up the time.
We had three children. I missed them growing up because I was working most of the time. I would go to events, but I wasn't a real father for them. I was too concerned with building my kingdom. Somewhere along the way, we became Christians. We were both raised in the church, we both went to church throughout our married life, but we didn't really have a personal relationship with the Lord.
I didn't understand grace. I didn't realize that it's not being good, it's being forgiven and trusting in Christ as your Savior, which I never really did. We both did when we were 30 years old. Our marriage became a mess. I mean, the worst things you can imagine in any marriage that could happen, probably went through that and to the point where I felt trapped, and I had wished a truck would run over my wife. That's the point it got.
And we did try and get some counseling because I didn't want to end my marriage, even though I felt trapped, for the kids' sake; and we went, my wife and I. I did all the talking and after the hour, the counselor prayed; and my wife said, "Well, that was a waste. We're not doing that again," until we stopped doing that.
A Weekend Conference That Changed Everything
I had heard about Paul Tripp. My pastor invited me to a weekend conference, so I went with my pastor and I was just amazed at the material and his knowledge of it, and the way he presented it; and I really respected what he had to say.
I had tried to get him as a counselor for my wife and I, but there was no openings, so we both signed up for a course he was teaching at Westminster Seminary on Monday evenings called Methods of Biblical Change, and my wife and I loved the course. It was like a worship service every Monday evening and it was very impactful.
And what happened was a friend of Paul's who was involved with administering the course had seen my car and said to Paul Tripp, "Paul, you know, there's a student in your class that drives a Rolls Royce to class. Maybe you should contact them for some donations to the ministry."
So I received a call from Paul's secretary that Paul Tripp would like to have lunch with me and I had agreed. I picked the restaurant, a fancy restaurant because I was showing off and Paul comes in. Before he could talk about asking for money, I said to him... I dumped my marital disaster on him and he says, "You know, I'll be here for you, Steve," and he never did talk about money.
Uncovering the Real Problem
And he got me on his schedule and after many sessions with him, he had uncovered that I really didn't love my wife. I love me. I didn't really love the Lord even though I was involved with ministry. I led men's groups. I played in the worship band. I was involved with the finance committee and all these different kind[s] of church things, but it was all about me.
And he peeled that back so I could see it and I was very resistant, and I tried to manipulate everything he was telling me. It took a long time, but it got through and now, we've been married 40 years and have ten grandchildren, and I just praise the Lord.
