Transcript
If I was about to write down all the things that I've learned that have been helpful to me in just understanding my own marriage story and the profound changes that have taken place in me and in our marriage... I mean, our marriage is so different than what it once was that on our anniversary, when Luella and I look back at that early couple, it's almost like we're looking at another couple. The changes are that fundamental and I think the central thing for me is I had no idea. I was totally clueless of how utterly self-absorbed and self-focused I was.
The Final Puzzle Piece
I mean, I don't think I'm alone. I think that often, think of courtship. A woman has got a dream for her life and she's searching for a man who will be the final puzzle piece in that dream; and she finds a man who fits in that spot.
She doesn't even have to bend the tabs and, obviously, she's very, very attracted to this man. I would propose she's attracted to him, not because she loves him, but because she loves herself and she loves how he fits in to the dream that she has for her life.
The problem is he's doing the same thing. He's searching for this person who will be the final puzzle piece into the dream that he has for his life and so, they're powerfully attracted to one another, but that attraction isn't love. I actually am attracted to that person, not because I love him or love her -- warts, difficulties, failures, brokenness, and all -- I love myself and I love what that person will do for me.
Attraction Is Not a Sturdy Enough Foundation
Now, attraction isn't a sturdy enough foundation for a marriage because we all get to a point where this person is not very attractive. You wake up on a Tuesday morning, the person you're sleeping next to, you look over and they've got Robin's nest hair. You can almost see birds and they have zoo breath as they say good morning to you; and they ask you to take out the trash.
At that moment, you're not filled with attraction. In those moments, it's love -- self-sacrificing love that will get me through and selfishness is in the way of love. In selfishness, I actually want somebody to live with me who loves me as much as I do.
