Transcript
Ben Fallon: Welcome back to the “Ask Paul Tripp Podcast.” My name is Ben Fallon; and I serve as the Executive Director of Paul Tripp Ministries, and I actually have a question for you today, Paul.
Last episode, you mentioned that your anger in the home started to explode when your first son was born because you felt like the sweet life that you had with Luella was being ripped away from you. Because you've been so honest with us the last few episodes about your anger, I think it's only right for me to be equally as honest and say that I experienced the same thing. I have two boys, now five and two years old, and being a new father has been a very difficult transition, and that's to phrase it incredibly graciously. My wife and I had been married for six years, and we were traveling the world and doing all types of fun activities, but that totally changed with our firstborn. And it was a massive heart struggle for me, and it still is to this day in certain regards. So, with Father's Day tomorrow, I would love to ask, “What advice do you have for young dads or perhaps expecting dads?” although I know your answer is going to be for fathers of any stage of life and mothers too. So, “What advice do you have for young or expecting fathers?”
Paul Tripp: Well, the thing that I would say to young father’s is that disappointment is directly connected to expectation. And you have to expect that your life is going to be massively changed by the presence of an almost completely dependent human being in your home now. Now, that's as it should be because what in all of life could be more important than the forming of a human soul? And what could be more important than to be one of God's principal instruments in shaping the life and the character and the future of another human being? That's what parenting is.
It ought to make us weak-kneed. And so, I have to be willing to live a life of sacrifice. I'm not going to have life as it was, because now I've been entrusted with one of the most important things any human being is ever going to do. And it's a holy thing; this is a creature made in the image of God. This is a creature created and owned by God, put on earth by the will of God.
I don't know how I can state how significant and important this is. Is it costly? Yes, it's very costly. Will it make you at times a bit nuts? Sure it will! Will it exhaust you? Yes! Will there be a lot of good, fun things that you used to do that slip through your fingers like sand? Yes, there will. But it's such a beautiful, important thing and, at the end of your life, what a legacy! Your legacy is going to be, we had 75 great vacations, we had a huge bank account? Or, we have two or three wonderful, God-honoring, productive children? It's just so important.
Now, I want to go on. What that means is, your children, dads, don't first need a prosecutor and a judge; that your whole function is to administrate the law in the lives of your children. The reason for that is that the law, as good as it is, your children need rules and they need authority, but rules and authority cannot rescue the heart of your children. They can restrain your children; they can direct your children, but it's only by the rescuing grace of Jesus that your children are ever going to be okay.
And God has implanted this question in the life of every child that's born. It's why the Bible talks about the love of God so much. Every human being comes into life wondering, “Will I be loved?” And a second question, even more significant, “Once you know me, will you still love me?” And so, I am meant to be God's representative and representative of the magnitude and consistency of his patient, inexhaustible, grace-driven love. And so, imagine if I'm about to talk to a child and all I've been is this authoritarian lawgiver, and I'm about to talk to this child about something they did wrong. And there's a second father who has surely held up his God-given authority, has surely instilled a sense of right and wrong in his children, but this child looks at this dad and says, “This man loves me,” and I'm about to correct them. Which child is predisposed to hear me?
Well, the answer is easy. The child that knows he's loved. And why can I stand before, as a sinner, totally naked before a completely holy God? That would be terrifying if I didn't know that God loved me. And because I know he loves me I know he wants what's best for me. I love a phrase in 1 Peter that says, “…judgment begins with the household of God,” because it reminds me that as God being my heavenly father, he comes to me, not like a civil judge who has no relationship to the criminal. He comes as a father-judge–he loves me, he provides for me, he guides me, he's forgiven me over and over again. And so, now he's got to come before me and say, this is wrong and there'll be consequences, but he does that with the love of a father. That's our model!
Now, I want to say one other thing. You can't do this without investing time in your children. You've got to be there. Look, don't complain about transporting them places in the car; that's time where they're trapped with you; those are great times. With my son, Darnay, I went to most of his middle school basketball practices, not just his games, and then we would go and get pizza afterwards; it was just trying to be part of their lives. My sons were skate-boarders, and we built a Half-Pipe in our backyard to be part of their lives so that being present in their lives is not just, “I enter your life when you've done something wrong and you see me going down the hall” and you go, “Oh, here it goes again!”
BF: Thanks, Paul. And with Father's Day tomorrow, we would love for you to share this episode with a dad or a future dad to bless them and remind them of their calling. Also, check out the notes wherever you listen to this podcast. We've listed several parenting resources that Paul Tripp Ministries has produced that dads can use. “Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!”
You have permission to print, repost, share, distribute, and translate this resource as long as you credit Paul Tripp as the teacher, do not charge for this resource, and do not alter the content in any way. If you require an exception or special permission, please email Teaching@PaulTripp.com.
