Transcript
Ben Fallon: This week on the “Ask Paul Tripp Podcast,” we're going to continue to ask Paul about his past history of anger in both his marriage and his parenting. And because Father's Day is coming up this Sunday, we're going to ask some questions to you, Paul, from dads. Here are some of them.
“Do your kids remember your anger? How old were they when it subsided? And what regrets do you have as a father?”
Paul Tripp: My anger really, really began to explode when our first son, Justin, was born, and he was a very, very difficult infant, and I felt like this sweet life I had with Luella was taken away from me. And then it continued to go on through our second child.
But by God's grace, those children were younger, and their memory is not the memory of an angry home. But I want to say something about this; I want to talk about regret. If you can look back on your life as a parent and not have any regret, you're either comatose or you're shockingly arrogant! Of course I have regret! God's plan is to use broken people to raise little self-sovereigns and rescue them from themselves.
And I have probably a thousand conversations I'd like to take out of history and out of the memory of my children. But you can weather that if you're humble; you confess your sin to your kids, you seek their forgiveness, you remind them that you need the gospel of God's grace as much as they do, remind them that in your heart, you're a rebel too, you don't like authority either, you can be foolish too. Now, there's a way in which all of that can be redeemed and actually deepen your relationship with your children and their comfortability with you.
It's just never a good plan to be a self-righteous lawgiver. It's just not a good plan because children see through that. They see your sin, weakness, and failure. They know you're not perfect. And you know, imagine this conversation where I say to my child, “I can't believe you would do such a thing! I would have never thought of responding in such a way!” What's the message there? “Your problem is you're not as righteous as me!” It's hard to get to the gospel from there! But if I say to my child, “You know, I know exactly how you got yourself into this mess,” or “I know exactly why you respond this way because I'm like you, but there's help for us.” That's a person you feel like you can talk to.
So, the other thing I want to say about regret is if you're living paralyzed by regret, then you're not living in the gospel because all of those sins, weakness, and failures of your past have been fully covered by the blood of Jesus. And so, I don't have to live chained to my darkest moments because I'm forgiven. I can own those, and I confess those, and I love this. That means that we can be the most honest community on earth, honest in our family, honest with kids because there's nothing that could ever be exposed about me that hasn't been covered by the person and work of the Lord Jesus!
BF: Thanks, Paul. We would love it if you shared this episode of “Ask Paul Tripp” with a dad this weekend in light of Father's Day coming up. Every time you share a resource from Paul Tripp Ministries, you're helping us “connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life,” and especially to parenting.
Come back on Saturday for another episode that encourages and equips dads with the gospel.
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