Transcript
Ben Fallon: Welcome back to another week on “Ask Paul Tripp.” Paul, I want to start today's episode by reading 1 Timothy, chapter 3, verses 1-7, “Qualifications for Overseers,” and then ask the question. So here’s the passage:
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. (And here come the key verses, verses 4 and 5, as it pertains to the question.) He must manage his own household well, with all dignity, keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent convert, or he might become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
So now, Paul, here's the question. “We have adult children who say they’re saved they’re not demonstrating spiritual maturity. They still live with us at home but they don't get involved in the church and they rarely attend. We get along well, but some in our church are asking that my husband step away from his eldership and ministry leadership role due to “children acting as apostates.” So, what would you do? Should my husband resign or take a step back? We have been trying to wait patiently for the salvation of our children and we’re trusting in God's sovereignty, but we’re confused about the qualifications for elders as it pertains to this situation.”
So, Paul, just a light and fluffy one for you today! How would you apply 1 Timothy, chapter 3, verses 4 and 5, to this situation?
Paul Tripp: This one qualification, in the list of qualifications for an elder, that talks about the elder having believing children, that if that doesn't happen, they're disqualified; I think this is one of the most misunderstood of all of the qualifications. It's a place where we must let Scripture interpret Scripture. No Scripture sits in the Bible in isolation. Every Scripture is connected to everything else that the Bible says, you have got to handle your Bible that way.
So, I know for sure that the Bible teaches that human beings are saved by grace through faith alone¬–end of story, no compromises, no deals. No human being has the power to create faith in the life of another human being. We know that apart from the operation of the regeneration of the Holy Spirit, I'm dead in sin, I have no power to believe. God has to act on me before I can react to him in faith. So, no parent, no matter how righteous and how perfect they are in their parenting, how faithful they are in instruction and modeling and discipline, has the power to create salvation in their children.
So, what does this this mean? Well, I'll give you two scenarios. You have two homes. You have one home where mom and dad have been faithful in the presentation of the gospel, faithful in good biblical instruction, faithful in talking about the nature of sin and the glorious operation of grace, faithful in instilling in the children a Christian worldview. They have been faithful; they have pastored their children, but they have adult children who are not believers.
You have another home where mom and dad have been legalistic and condemning. That's a Christian home, but they've treated the sin, weakness, and failure of the children self-righteously, and it has been more a system of law than grace. And although it's a “Christian home,” it has not been a home where the gospel reigned; more the law reigned, and their children are not believers. I think that second home, that elder, is disqualified because if he can't pastor his own children with a winsome gospel, how can he do that in the church? The other father has been faithful and winsome and enduring, and he has pastored his children well, and that speaks to the fact that he'll do that well as an elder.
Once I had a pastor say to me, “I think my kids have rejected me because of my theology.” And in a moment of gulping for a moment, and then boldness, I said, “I think your children have rejected your theology because they're rejecting you.” Because that theology had been pushed down the throats of children with such self-righteousness and condemnation, they felt so hurt by their dad. It meant that they rejected the thing that their dad said was the most important. So, if there are unbelieving children, I want to get inside of that and understand why that is happening.
I'm willing to say that not all of our children, we have four grown children, are where we'd like them to be spiritually. But none of them are rabid opponents of the gospel; none of them have broken relationship with us. We have wonderful, loving relationships with our children, and we pray with them, and we talk about our faith, but they are where they are. And so, you have to embrace the significance of your calling and the significance of your inability, and that's the only way to understand that crucial passage.
BF: Thank you, Paul. Remember, please continue to send us your questions. Email, ask@paultripp.com or submit yours anonymously on our website at paultripp.com/ask. As you just experienced, there will be limits to Paul's answer because without knowing the full details of the situation behind the question, it's probably unwise for him to try and provide direct instruction. And so, some of Paul's answers will be more general than specific, applying overall biblical principles. We pray that these answers, nonetheless, will still help connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life.
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