Transcript
Well, there is a plague that has infected the church of the Lord Jesus Christ. It's a sad disease. It's left us weakened, and broken, and discouraged, and afraid. It's almost no sooner than you come to faith in Jesus Christ that you get infected. And it robs you of your spiritual vitality. It robs you of your joy. It robs you of the rest that Jesus died that you would have.
Timidity, Doubt, Worry, and Dark Addictions
It reduces you to timidity, and doubt, and worry, and dark addictions of all kinds. It somehow, someway, gets us all. It's a communicable disease that is ravaging the church of Jesus Christ.
The problem is most people that have it don't know they have it! They actually live with the delusion that they're healthy, and they're okay when everything in their lives points to the fact that they're sick. It's a terrible disease. It's one that needs to be eradicated. "What is it?" you ask. It's identity amnesia. We have forgotten who we are. And in forgetting who we are, we frantically look for identity in thousands of places where it will never be found--places where you were never meant to look for identity. You probably do it so instinctively; you probably do it so frequently; you probably do it so naturally, you don't actually know that you're doing it. You're so used to carrying the burden; you don't know that you are carrying the burden anymore. Your spiritual back has hurt you for so long; you've forgotten that you're in pain. I'll make the confession, "Half the time I don't have a clue who I am."
Yeah, I do know my name. I'm the Paul behind the mustache. Talk about identity: my mustache now officially has its own Twitter site. Pray for that person. They're in deep need of this thing called 'life.'
I was at a big campus Crusade event, and they said, "Paul, we want to interview you on video, but they said, "Well, actually, we don't want to interview you, we want to interview your mustache." I thought, "Well, how does that work? It's hooked to me." Now, I say this all the time, and I'm going to continue to say it because I think it's important to say, I've probably said it here: "You are in a constant conversation with yourself." I say it this way, "No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do."
And a principal part of that conversation is this conversation of identity. You're always saying things to you about you. You are always assigning to yourself some kind of identity, and connected to identity, you're assigning to yourself some kind of potential: I am; therefore I can.
It's instinctively human to do. And the identity that you assign to yourself will somehow, someway, set the course for how you deal with literally everything in your life. You never escape the identity that you assign to yourself, ever. It's always there. It's always forming the way you're interacting, even with the most mundane things in your existence. Who do you think you are? Where will you look, today, for identity? What gives you the information that defines who you are? Where do you look, and what does that do for the way that you live your everyday life?
I want you to take your Bibles, or your iPhones, or your iPads, or whatever other weird off-brand electronic thing you are sadly carrying, (Sorry, I couldn't resist) and turn to Psalm 27.
As I thought about this conference, this is a Psalm that I just love, love, love. I couldn't get away from this Psalm and what this Psalm says about the only place where lasting, sturdy, restful identity can be found.
Now, the thing that I love about this Psalm is that it's a Psalm of trouble. And perhaps it's in moments of trouble where your true sense of identity gets most exposed. What you're really looking to to give you rest, and peace, and security, and that inner sense of meaning, will always be exposed in those moments of trouble. In fact, maybe what makes trouble so troublesome is it challenges the places where we've sought to get identity. I mean, isn't it true that you don't just suffer the thing that you're suffering, but you suffer the way that you suffer the thing that you're suffering. Does that make sense to you? Because you always bring something to your suffering. And maybe part of what makes suffering so terrible is not just the physical part of suffering, the locational, situational, relational part of suffering, but that it rocks the places that I was looking to to find my rest and security. Those get rocked, and I'm left not only with this situation, but I'm left not knowing what I have and who I am. I'm not just suffering my suffering; I'm suffering what I brought to my suffering in that moment. Now the scholars say - I love saying that phrase, whoever they are - that this Psalm was probably penned by David in one of two circumstances in his life. The first one would've been when David is hiding out from Saul. Saul is the king; David's the anointed king; the anointing of God rests on David, and Saul is in a state of vengeful envy against David. David has done nothing to Saul; he's been a loyal servant of Saul, but Saul hates this man and is out after his life. It's a moment of tragic, personal injustice as heartbreaking as you could ever imagine.
Or, perhaps it was written when David is fleeing from his own son, Absalom, who is conspiring to take David's throne; and if it's a monarchy, and you're going to take the king's throne, the king is going to die, that's how it works. Imagine being a father in that situation. Imagine how heartbreaking that would be. Let yourself feel the pathos of this moment, and there's this moment in Scripture where it's one of the saddest moments in the Old Testament, when the report comes that Absalom has been killed, and David doesn't celebrate. He crumbles like a father with the grief of a father, and says, "Absalom, my son, my son, Absalom." There's not going to be any good end to this story.
That's the moment in which this Psalm is written. Let me read just the first five verses for you, The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under cover of his tent; he will lift me (up on a high) high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:1-5, ESV)
Well, it's very interesting that this Psalm of trouble, a Psalm written in one of two very dark situations, there's no one in this room who would ever want to be in either of the situations that David could've been in when he wrote this Psalm. This Psalm of trouble doesn't begin with trouble; it begins with theology.
Rest Rooted in Sound Theology
And maybe what, where we need to begin again, is that true rest in these moments is rooted in sound scriptural theology. It's these truths that begin to tell me who in the world I am in this world that is way bigger than me, that I can't control, that I don't actually know what in the world is going to happen next. You don't know what tomorrow will bring.
The Lord is light. The Lord is salvation. The Lord is stronghold. Think about what those metaphors point to. The Lord is light. In this broadest sense, what is the metaphor of light in Scripture? It's that which is pure, and holy, and just, and true. In this universe, there exists one of complete holiness, of complete righteousness, of complete truth, of faithful justice, in this world that's so broken, that seems like there's no justice that exists for me anywhere. There's one that exists; there's an ultimate of what is true, and pure, and holy.
The Lord is salvation. With the ultimate widest definition of that, He is the one who delivers me from evil, evil internal. The darkness that lives inside me that I cannot escape because I can run from situations; I can run from locations; I can run from circumstances, but I cannot run from myself. Evil external: there'll be it a day when we will all be invited to the one funeral we actually want to attend. We will be invited to the funeral of sin and death; sin and death will die.
The Lord is stronghold. The picture of a fortified city, a place of retreat, a place of rest, a place of safety, yes! There is one who provides safety. The Lord is light; the Lord is salvation; the Lord is stronghold.
Now, I am about to confuse you, but it's my job. What I've just given you is nasty, dangerous, bad theology. But it's the theology, I'm convinced, that has infected the Church of Jesus Christ because what I have done is I've done violence to the gorgeous identity comfort of this Psalm. I've done purposeful violence to it. And maybe many of you didn't even pick it up because you're so used to theology being handled this way, you are quite comfortable with it being handled this way. David doesn't say, "The Lord is light." He doesn't say, "The Lord is salvation." He doesn't say, "The Lord is stronghold," does he? What does he say? You say it. Say it again. Say it again. I feel like Jesse Jackson here, "Repeat after me." You see, that changes the whole thing. I want to say it - enough of abstract, impersonal, distant, isolated, informational theology! It's not the theology of the Word of God. That doesn't help us; it hurts us. I don't need more ideas rattling around in my brain; I've got way more than I can think about already - half of the time I'm confused! You see, the theology of the Word of God, properly understood, never just defines who God is; it redefines who you are as His children. That's what it does. And that two-letter word makes all the difference in the world.
The Lord is 'my' light. This righteousness that exists by grace has been unleashed on me. It's my righteousness now, by grace. I could have never earned it; I could have never achieved it; I could have never deserved it; I will never lap up enough obedience ever to deserve this thing that's been given to me! By grace, righteousness has been poured down on me. Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him! That's who I am. Do you sense my passion?
As a poor, zealous seminary student, I was exegeting my way through Romans. Romans! Romans! I had gotten a big, bound legal pad, 8 ¬Ω by 14, and I had cut the corners off of every other page, and I had actually taken the page out of my Greek New Testament, and I had glued it there so you could see the Greek from both sides, and I was writing copious, theological notes.
I got to about Romans 7 or 8, and it hit me that I had spent, what seemed like endless hours, studying Paul's letter to the Romans, and I had not been touched by it at all. It had been solely an idea exercise. I was a theo-geek! I prided myself in understanding all of the labyrinthine theology in that passage, but it did nothing for me, and I began to weep. I think if it wasn't for my dear wife, Luella, who, in those moments, is always able to speak sanity in the mind of this insane man, I would have quit seminary. The Lord is my salvation. I'm saved. I'm saved. Me, this dark man with all of those selfish, evil thoughts, with all of my self-aggrandizing behavior, all of my wants to be sovereign over my own life, salvation has burst into my life. I'm saved, I'm saved, I saved. He's my salvation!
Listen, you don't hope in justification; you hope in a Savior who justifies you. Jesus didn't purchase "save-ability" - He took names to the cross! You don't find life in the abstract concept of salvation, but a God who willingly sacrificed Himself to save you! He's rest. Rest from all the burdens of self-salvation, rest from all the burdens of others' expectations, rest from all of that achievement and "I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, or what will happen if I don't stuff" - I got rest; I have refuge. The Lord is my refuge. There's identity! Magnificent, unchangeable, eternal things have happened to me because grace has connected me to this One who is salvation. Grace has connected me to this One who is light. Grace has connected me to this One who's stronghold. I'm okay! Grace has changed me!
I don't need you to like me. I don't need to lap up all those successes and achievements. I mean, think, think about where we look for identity. It really is pretty sad. I mean, let's start with what I'm doing right now. Identity in ministry--well here's the truth. Your success in ministry is never an endorsement of your character; it's a revelation of God's. That's what it is. And you have to remember that if God can give ministry success to rocks, taking credit for your ministry success means you've risen to the level of inanimate objects - aren't you special? It's craziness. It's just, it's craziness!
How about relationships? How many of us put burdens on relationships that they can't bear because we're getting our identity out of how that relationship is working? It just never, ever works.
I don't mean this in a way to pick on women in the room, but I've had many wives say to me these words that just seem to them so normal, that just freaked me out. They say, "All I ever wanted was a husband who would make me happy." I'm thinking, "Are you crazy? You actually think that this man has the ability to be the source, the lasting, sturdy, continual source of your happiness? Who in the world do you think you've married? The fourth member of the Trinity?" Well, of course that's not going to happen.
Big Deals Out of Things That Are Not Big Deals
And so you make, you make unbelievable big deals out of things that aren't big deals. I've gotta talk about this. In June, I'm going to be doing a marriage weekend here, but marriage is such a good example of that.
You walk into the bathroom, and there's a wet towel on the floor. And you say, "I can't believe it. I can't believe he would just drop a towel on the floor. He just drops it. If he loved me, I would never see a towel on the floor. My dad was a dropper. I told myself I'd never marry a dropper, but I have."
Read my lips - You're nuts. You're crazy! Now, is there some meaning to that? Yes, but you've invested way too much of your sense of personal security and life in that moment. Your marriage can't bear that.
Or let's say you're in the car, and you say, "Why do you have to drive so jerky? You always drive jerky. Everybody else, look at the cars, they go, 'Hhmmmmmmmmm' (smoothly). We never go, 'Hmmmmmmmm.' I have to take Dramamine just to ride with you." Now you get temporary buzz of identity by being the best driver in the car, even though you're not driving at that moment.
Or you have to be the grammar police. Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. "That wasn't a complete sentence. That's not the way that word is used. You always mispronounce that word, it drives me so crazy." Or, you have to be the history police. You never let that other person tell a story without interrupting them to let them know that you have dramatically better recall than they will ever have. "I am my recall, thank you! You probably wouldn't be able to repeat what I just said because you don't have the recall that I have. Don't even try." I mean, who really wants to be around such a person? And you bear the burden of having to do all that stuff, all that creepy, tense, weird, relational stuff because all of that is propping up, for you, a sense of self; you're not just having relational problems - your problem is you're an identity amnesiac. You've forgotten who you are. 'My' doesn't live in your life in the way that it should. My light! My salvation! My stronghold! Those two letters have changed life for us forever. Or you find your identity in your possessions. Let's say you're the wife in the marriage, and you know who you are. And in ways you don't realize you've attached your identity and meaning and purpose to the order, beauty, and cleanliness of your home. Now, what is that going to create? Well, you are going to be just an incessantly uptight person. You'll be able to notice a dent in the pillow at fifty paces that wasn't there. That dent will be a personal affront to you. You will notice crumbs on the kitchen counter that weren't there before, and it will break your heart, and you will wonder, "Why would they do this to me? I do, and I do, and I do, and they 'crumb' me. Why would they 'crumb' me? I wouldn't think of 'crumbing' them. But they crumb me, crumb, crumb, crumb, crumb, crumb ... every day. I live in a world of crumbs." Or you'll follow people in rooms, making sure they don't make that room look like somebody actually lives there. Now, here's your mentality though, because you are an identity amnesiac, your mentality is that you've been singled out for the particular suffering of living with a community of slobs. You think that you have a slob problem. You don't have a slob problem; you have an identity problem. You're an amnesiac. And so you actually look at the surrounding possessions as a viable means of getting that inward peace and life that only the Savior can give. How insane is that? Listen, own it - that insanity exists in this room. Now, I'll make the confession. I've been married for 42 years. August 22 of last year, we celebrated 12 good years of marriage. We tried to calculate all the good times and bad times. It was really depressing.
But I want to say this, because I think if I make this confession it may relieve some of you and ignite in you the ability to make the same confession yourself. I am still a bit of an Ephesians 5 mess. I'm an Ephesians 5 failure.
I can be so easily irritated. I want to be agreed with. I don't ask much of Luella, just always say, "You're absolutely right!" It doesn't seem that hard. I want her to have the intelligence to operate by my schedule.
And I can't go to that relationship without seeing, every day, that I lay down empirical evidence of what a mess I am, empirical evidence that I need light, and I need salvation, and I need stronghold. It's laid down every day. How could I ever look at that brokenness as a place to find my identity? It'll never work! Or you try to get your identity in your achievements. This is one of the places where Twitter just freaks me out. I tweet every morning; I've determined I'm not going to tweet anything but the Gospel. I don't think you need for me to tweet, "Once again today, I changed my socks and underwear." I don't think that really is going to be helpful to you. But I'll read tweet, it's like somebody will tweet this, "It was pouring down rain this morning, but I did my nine-mile run anyway." I mean, you tweeted that? "I woke up this morning, there was no Cap'n Crunch, but I decided I'd live anyway." It's weird. It's self-aggrandizing.
How many times do you do something for somebody that they didn't notice, and you have to find a way of letting them know that you did it for them? "By the way, I took care of your mail while you were gone."
Or maybe you're more spiritual. Maybe you've determined that you're going to be the smartest person theologically in the room at all times. You're weird! You have committed yourself to theological-always-rightism, because that's where you get your sense of identity. That's where you're looking for life. Now, you don't realize it; we can't talk to you, nor do we want to, because it doesn't matter what we say, you are able to critique it, to unpack it, to say it better, to tell us that we are just a step away from downright atheism. It doesn't work. The first verse of Psalm 27 is the only place where identity will ever be found. "The Lord is my light. The Lord is my salvation. The Lord is my stronghold." Again, it's not enough to handle those truths in abstraction. David does not say, "The Lord is light; the Lord is salvation; the Lord is stronghold." That's a destructive mishandling of the theology of Scripture.
I'm going to say this; this will probably get me in trouble. If you're a seminary professor and you handle theology in that totally abstract, impersonal way, stop it! You're hurting your students.
If you're a pastor, and you're preaching sermons that are boring, theological lectures that do not connect those truths in the radical nature to the freedom for the people that the Savior died for, you must not preach any more that way, stop it! If you're a Sunday school teacher, and you have an informational approach to the Word of God, you must stop it! You are harming your students. The theology of the Word of God is never impersonal, it's deeply personal. It radically rearranges everything in my existence because my life has been invaded by this awesome grace. A Savior has come to me, and I'm okay. Praise Him! Now, if that's not radical enough; maybe this Psalm gets more radical. Let's continue. When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing I have asked the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD. (Psalm 27: 2-4, ESV) What? Now, think with me. Put yourself in this existential situation. If you actually had an army encamping against you to eat up your flesh, to destroy you, what would the one thing be that you would ask of the Lord? Think about that. How about weapons? That makes sense to me. Just give me a bigger gun than my enemy, and I'll worship You. How about just incinerate them? You're God; You can do it, You created heat. You melt stuff. Or how about just suck me out of this and drop me someplace else? 'Hyrupppt' 'Hyrupppt' We pray an awful lot of 'hyrupppt' prayers. Let's look at what David says in the middle of this dark situation, "The one thing I ask is I could dwell in the house of LORD to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD." Now, either David is so super spiritual that none of us can relate to him, or he's on to something wonderful here.
The Honesty of Psalm 27
Now, here's the first thing I want to say to you about this. One thing I like is the honesty of this Psalm. One thing I like is the honesty of the Psalms. One thing I like is the honesty of Scripture. There are stories so tawdry and dark in Scripture, that if they were in a paperback book at your local bookstore, you wouldn't buy them. And what we need to say is that Biblical faith (hear what I am about to say) will never require that you deny reality. If you are playing monkey games with reality, you may have achieved temporary peace, but what you're exercising is not Biblical faith. I love how honest Scripture is, how it is able to look at the darkness of life in a fallen world with such honesty. I love little references that are so completely honest like in Romans 4, where the Bible says that Abraham considered the deadness of Sarah's womb. How's that for specific?
But, get this contrast; if you make the darkness inside of you and the darkness outside of you your meditation, you are going down.
Look what he says, "One thing I have asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all of the days my life (to do what?) to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD."
Here's what David knows: there's One that exists of such awesome, gorgeous, glorious beauty, that He is way more beautiful than any ugly thing you will ever face in your life, and grace has connected you to this beauty.
Listen, none of those things that get you down are ultimate; His beauty is ultimate. And here's the truth; it's only as you look at the darkness inside of you and the darkness outside of you in light of the stunning beauty of your Savior that you ever see those things accurately and appropriately. You must look at life, you must look at yourself through the lens of the gorgeous, glorious beauty of the grace of the One who is light, and life, and salvation, and refuge. Because only then your heart will find rest. David understands the danger of identity amnesia. He understands when my future is at stake because this king wants to kill me, or my family is at stake because my son wants to kill me, I need to run, but I need to run to the temple and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and remember, they can take my kingdom; they can destroy my family, but they can't take my identity because it was never in their hands in the first place because the Lord is my light; the Lord is my salvation; the Lord is my stronghold. I'm going to run and gaze upon His beauty because it's only then that I understand myself and my life the way that it was meant to be understood.
And I would say to you, run to His beauty! Run to His beauty! Run to His beauty! Enough of the meditation on all of your sin, weakness, and failure! Enough of your meditation on all the brokenness of the people around you! Enough of your meditation on the fallenness of the world! It's killing you. It's destroying you. It's an affection that deepens your amnesia. Gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. Let the glory of His grace wash over you again, and rise up.
I will confess this is hard for me. I'm a thinker guy; I'm analytical. I think too much, and in the midst of all that figuring things out, I become part of the infection. I breathe in the toxins of the plague, and I become an identity amnesiac again. And I'm filled with worry, and burden, and concern, and disappointment that grace is meant to free me from.
So I want to give you homework. Get out your pencils and a piece of paper; don't look at me like you don't know what I meant. There will be a quiz. I want to encourage you to do something. I'm just going to give you four words that really do fit with what we've looked at.
The first is the word 'gaze.' I would deeply encourage you; I want to pastor you for a moment. Start every day, not with making sure that you complete your daily Bible readings so that at the end of the year, you can say you've finished the Bible once again for the tenth year in a row. How spiritual are you? But sit with your Bible, and do nothing but gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. Just stop; stop the study; stop the analysis; stop all of that stuff; just gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. You say, "Paul, I don't know how to do that." Go to Isaiah 40, probably 40 through 42, and let your heart explode with His beauty. Read the last several chapters of Job with the grandeur of the Lord. Read Ephesians 1, this glory of His sovereign grace. Gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. Start every day that way. Second word - 'remember.' Remember this truth that has been so important to what I've said to you today, that theology properly understood never just defines who God is, but it redefines you as His children. And remember that He is beautiful for you. This beauty has been unleashed for you by His grace.
Third word, 'rest.' Rest not because the people around you like you, not because you've figured life out, not because you have things under control, not for any of those reasons. Rest because grace has connected you to the One, this One of such beauty, and that frees you from ever again having to look for your identity anywhere else. Your identity is settled; it's over; it's done; this is who you are in Him. Rest! I'm afraid that in our amnesia, the one thing the Church of Jesus Christ is not good at all is 'rest.' I am weary of talking to Christians who have no rest, none. It's such a massive contradiction.
And then fourth word, now go out and 'act.' Act; go out and live. Based now, not on your rightness, not on your control, not on your achievements, not on your possessions, not on your successes, not on all of that stuff, but based on who you have become by means of one thing: gorgeous grace.
The Lord is my light. The Lord is my salvation. The Lord is my stronghold. Now, hear the rhetorical question. Of whom then should I be afraid? What's the answer? Say it: "No one, Nothing!"
