Transcript
Now, one of the things that you experience with a 9- or 10-year-old biological child is that you've been with that child every moment of his life. You spoke words of love into that child's little heart before he ever knew what you were doing. You held him. You kissed him. You loved him. You were there for all his birthdays. You cleaned up his vomit. You had these remarkable structural life experiences with this child. And so, when you walk into that 10-year-old's room, there is a background of knowledge and trust and safety that the child just naturally assumes. That's the way it is in most families.
Two Things to Focus On
Now, often in the life of an adopted child, there's been dark things that have happened. Well, I would say it this way. There [are] two things that you need to be focused on. One is you don't have any of that background often. Often a child will come into the home at five years old or seven years old or nine years old, and that background of development of relationship and safety and security are not there. You need to be aware of that. You're not starting at zero. You're starting at -472.
And then, you have to be aware that very often in the dysfunction that has led a child to be homeless, there has been abuse and so, this child doesn't naturally trust authority, doesn't naturally understand what an adult will do, doesn't assume that you'll be faithful and kind. And so, you have to be aware that you have to develop that trust in order to be able to do the normal things that a parent would do. Don't assume that things are in place that aren't in place.
