Transcript
We've been talking about grace-based parenting and I want to talk about a concept that I call project parenting. I live in the city of Philadelphia and Center City is alive and well, and there's constant building going on. And it makes sense that someone calls it a building project because there's some order to that. There [are] steps that need to be taken that you have to think about beforehand, or the building's never going to be built properly and never be safe and never work well.
Clearing the Land Before You Build
I walk by in the morning when I go to exercise, a piece of land that they've been clearing it seems like forever. Well, it sort of makes sense that before you can build a new building, you have to clear out the old building. That's a step in the project.
So here's what project parenting is. I want to get away from reactive parenting. What reactive parenting is "I haven't thought about who my child is. I haven't thought about where he typically struggles. I haven't thought about where he needs to grow. I just wake up in the morning and parent."
And what happens is because I'm unprepared, because I haven't thought about the things I should think about, I tend to get involved in emotionally reactive parenting. A child does something It upsets me and out of my upset, I react.
Not Surprised by the Debris
The guys in this building project have not been discouraged or surprised at all that they've had to hire hundreds of truck drivers to drive hundreds of trucks to cart away tons and tons of material. That's not a surprise to them. It hasn't discouraged them because they thought about the project and they know exactly that's what they were going to need to do.
So I want to think about, say, I have three children. My first child, right now in his life, where does he struggle? Where does he tend to get tempted? Where does he turn, tend to lose his way? I want to have that in my brain so as I'm interacting with him as a parent, I'm looking for opportunities to get at those things and I'm not surprised when they come up. I do that with child two and child three.
Now, all of them will be struggling in different ways. All of them will be tempted in different ways and so, I'm looking for opportunities that God will give me to get at what is important in the life of this child. Now, that means a couple things. It means, first of all, I'm prepared even though I don't know what's coming next because I've thought about what my child needs, where he struggles and needs to grow.
Three Ways Project Parenting Changes You
Second, I'm not surprised or dismayed when those things are in my face because I've already thought about them. I've already announced them as being important in the child's life. And third, I'm not reacting emotionally. I'm reacting out of a sense of preparedness and wisdom because I've thought about these things at a time, and I'm actually excited about the opportunity that God is giving me to get at what is clearly a need in the life of my child.
Here's what I think is sad. I think there are literally Christian families who spend more focus planning and discussion time on family vacations than they do on parenting, and we can do better. Are you surprised by what you're dealing with? Do you find yourself reacting emotionally?
You see when you're there, sadly, you're in the way of God's operation of grace, rather than part of it. Take time to step back. Take time to think through what's hot and happening in the life of your child, and parent with a grace driven sense of project.
