Transcript
I'm about to say something that will surprise you. Here it is. I think one of the best gifts you can give to your children is grief. No, no, not that you give them grief. I'm really talking about something very different than that. It's your personal grief over your sin, weakness, and failure that will just transform the way that you respond to your children.
Grieve, Mourn, and Weep
James in James 4 says, "Grieve, mourn, and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom." Now, what is he talking about? He's talking about the fact that as long as there's sin inside of me, I have reasons to be upset. I have reasons to weep, to grieve. And as I'm grieving my own sin, then I naturally become more patient with, more compassionate with, more loving toward, more gracious toward sinners like me.
I think that a lot of that name-calling, pushing, shoving, poking, irritation, bad attitude anger of parents is really born out of self-righteousness. I mean, you can even hear parents say it. They'll say something like, "In my day, I will have never thought of doing what you're doing," or, "I can't believe that you'd do such a thing." Why can't you believe it? You're a sinner, too. You should not be surprised at the struggle of your children. You don't like to be told what to do. You don't like to be ruled. You don't like to be confronted. You want to set your own plan.
All those struggles that are in your children are in your heart as well. I'm convinced that patient, gracious parenting is the result, the product of personal grief. And if you want to parent more graciously, don't pray for your children first. Pray for yourself. Pray that God would show you how patient He has to be with you as your Father, how many times He has to forgive, how many times He has to say the same thing, how many times He has to face your inadequacies, your weakness and your failure, and then grieve. And that grieving will begin to produce in you patience and compassioning and love that transforms the way you parent your children.
