Transcript
Ben Fallon: Paul, you have a portion in your book, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands, dedicated to how to lovingly rebuke somebody, and you teach out of Leviticus 19, verses 15 through 18, which I'll read now from the NIV.
Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly. Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD. Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
Now, today's question from Ashley actually comes on the flip side of this, from the person on the receiving end of this type of rebuke.
Why is it typically that whenever we get rebuked or corrected or confronted, our initial reaction is almost always poor? And if we were to receive frank rebuke, like Leviticus 19 directs, how can we receive that harsh rebuke in a biblical way and respond in a God-honoring manner?
Paul Tripp: What this question is really about is, I want to change the question. Sometimes an answerer has to change the question to answer it properly, so I'm going to rephrase the question. The question is really about the Holy Spirit's work of convicting us of our sin. It's one of His primary ministries to us. You see, conviction is not an act of God's condemnation, but rather God moving toward us, reaching out his hands of love and drawing us near. In conviction, again, we're met with God's protecting and keeping grace. We don't keep ourselves. We don't protect ourselves. That's a work of God's grace.
And God uses many methodologies to open our eyes to help us to see our sin. He uses his Word, he uses public preaching, he uses songs and hymns of worship, he uses good Christian literature, and he uses other people. Let me give you a passage that really speaks to rebuke coming from other people. This is Hebrews 3:12 and 13, “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Now, the passage really addresses why exhortation, confrontation, rebuke, whatever title you want to give it, is needed. It's because as long as sin still lives inside of me, and sin blinds us, I will have pockets of spiritual blindness. We all want to think that no one knows us better than we know ourselves, but that's a delusion. I look at myself like I look into a carnival mirror–it's with distortion! I don't actually have a three-foot neck and a six-inch torso. And so, sin blinds us to ourselves. Sin makes it hard for us to see ourselves with complete accuracy. So what this means is we all need instruments of seeing in our lives, God's tools of illumination and conviction. And we need that so we can grieve our sin, and that grief leads to confession, and that confession leads to repentance, and that repentance leads to a new way of living.
Why do we hate rebuke? Well, I'll just say it for myself, “Because I consistently assess myself as being more righteous than I am.” And it offends me that you don't think I'm as righteous as I think I am. “How dare you? I have portrayed the glory of my righteousness before you over and over again, and I don't understand why you don't get it.” And I'm looking at you and I'm thinking, “If there's a sinner in the room, it's probably not me, it's you!” Maybe it's hard for you to admit that you respond that way. But that's why we find rebuke offensive. It’s because we're always preaching to us, to ourselves, the gospel of our righteousness, rather than preaching to ourselves the gospel of our weakness and failure and sin and the gospel of God's grace.
So if you're going to receive rebuke, with humility and thankfulness, there are six things that you need to affirm. I know there are six because I counted them. First, affirm that because sin still lives inside of you, there will be pockets of spiritual blindness, and you will need instruments of seeing in your life.
Second, affirm that there's nothing that could be exposed or known about you that hasn't already been covered by the person and work of Jesus. So the second affirmation makes the first affirmation easier because I don't need to be afraid of being known because it's all been covered by Jesus.
Third, affirm that loving biblical rebuke is a sure indication of God's ongoing love for you and the continuing zeal of his grace. This is happening because God loves you. And he will reveal your need to somebody near so they can be a tool of his grace in your life.
Affirm that whatever the person is confronting you about is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of your struggle with sin. You are way more needy than this person knows, and if they actually knew you, they'd have way more things to say than they're actually now saying.
In moments of rebuke, I'm not better than that person is acting like I am; I'm worse, and I need way more than they even are aware that I need!
And then finally, affirm, that from beginning to end, your walk with God is a community project. This means you were never hardwired by God in his saving grace to make it on your own. The Christianity of the New Testament is deeply and comprehensively relational, and those relationships are intended by God to be candid and honest. And because of that, they are rescuing and restorative.
BF: Well, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands is the best resource we have on how to have an intentional relationship of discipleship with another brother or sister, and you can find that at PaulTripp.com/instruments. But we also have a book called Relationships: A Mess Worth Making that really focuses on Christ-centered friendship. So that's available at PaulTripp.com/relationships.
You have permission to print, repost, share, distribute, and translate this resource as long as you credit Paul Tripp as the teacher, do not charge for this resource, and do not alter the content in any way. If you require an exception or special permission, please email Info@PaulTripp.com.
