Transcript
Ben Fallon: Paul, this question comes from a dad who just watched our “Getting to the Heart of Parenting” series and was very blessed by the material. He writes:
I have a question that I know might be difficult to answer, but I thought I would send it in any way. We were recently told by a neurologist that our fifteen-year-old son has Tourette’s Syndrome. We have struggled with his explosive outbursts of anger for about seven or eight years, and this diagnosis actually explains a lot of things that, up until now, have been total mysteries to us. At the same time, from a biblical counseling perspective, it raises a lot of questions. Do you have any resources that you would point us to for Tourette Syndrome and how to parent in a God-honoring way given the particular behaviors of someone with those tendencies?
So Paul, I don't know if you want to answer that question specifically or perhaps more generally, what should a parent do, or any Christian for that matter, when they experience a struggle in life that is not explicitly addressed in the Word of God, and then even more frustratingly, if it hasn't been addressed yet by trusted biblical voices and experts within the church who use Scripture as their guide? Our team did a quick search online from some of our trusted go-to sources, especially in the biblical counseling world, and not one that we could find had any resources on Tourette's. So where do you even begin to think if there's nothing out there?
Paul Tripp: So, it surely is frustrating when you're dealing with something in the life of your child, whether physical or emotional or some kind of mental thing, and there seems like there's been no biblical research or theological work that's been done. So, here's where I would start, and I think this conversation is a really important one because there are hundreds of thousands of parents who are in this situation. It's important to understand that your Bible is comprehensive, but not exhaustive.
There's a way in which the Bible gives us guidance for everything that we will face in life somehow, some way, without addressing everything in life. I jokingly have said so many times, “If your Bible was exhaustive, addressing everything you would ever deal with in life, you would drive your Bible to church on Sunday in five eighteen-wheelers.” That's not what the Bible does. Your Bible isn't an astronomy textbook or a manual on brain science or a book on quantum physics or on the biological systems of the body. That's not the purpose of Scripture. This means there are many things, that on the surface, the Bible doesn't actually address. It doesn't mean that the Bible leaves us without help or hope when it comes to these difficult issues, but you have to understand how the Bible functions.
So, here are some things that I would say. The first thing the Bible warns us, that because we live in a fallen world, that doesn't function as God originally intended, suffering will enter our door. This means that something like a Tourette's or an ADD or whatever you would say, isn't a sign that God has forgotten you or that he's punishing you for your sin or that you've been singled out for particular difficulty. Romans 8, beginning with verse 18, warns us that suffering is the universal normal experience of life in a fallen world because we live in a world that itself is groaning, waiting for redemption.
Second thing I would say is that the Bible portrays God's special tender-hearted care for us in our weaknesses. It's so easy in these moments to just feel forsaken of God, and where is he when we need him the most? And I love Psalm 103:13; it's so beautiful, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; (I love this so much.) he remembers that we are dust.” Nobody knows the degree of our weakness, the degree of our susceptibility to hard things that are life-altering than our Lord does. And you can run to him for his help and his care.
The next thing that's real important that you see portrayed all over Scripture is this thing that theologians call “common grace.” God “makes his sun rise (shine) on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). And what that means is God pours his goodness into people in order to give them life that works. That means God gives wisdom and insight and skill to people who don't know him and don't serve him. I have a kidney doctor. If it weren't for my kidney doctor, who's not a believer, I'd be dead. That's God's grace to me. That's God's help to me. And so, I don't have to run to the Bible to look for what the Bible says about kidneys because the Bible doesn't say much. But God has blessed this man with incredible understanding of this one organ in the body. And he has saved a massive amount of lives. That's all the goodness of God.
So, if you're dealing with something that the Bible doesn't address, it's completely right and proper to run to the places that have the best information. Now, when you do that, you always have to be careful to listen, “Are these people saying things about my child that contradict what the Bible does say about my child?” So, you're always listening for that because this person, if they're not a believer, they're going to present a view of life that's not always consistent with Scripture. But that doesn't mean the particular area of expertise isn't helpful for you and can guide you to real understanding and some solution.
So where does that leave you? Well, there's advice I've given to parents who are going through this kind of thing. Again, you need to become a committed student of your child. Keep a journal and take daily notes. Get to know your particular child's struggle. And as you do that, in their behavior, you will come closer and closer to discerning what is the result of this physiological thing that they're struggling with and what's just garden variety sin. Because, it's often confusing to parents, and the more you study your child, the more you take notes, the more you look back on those notes, the more you're able to discern these are things that are out of the ordinary, that we need help and understanding for; and these are things that are just garden variety sin that every parent deals with, and we need to deal with that in the way that the Bible has instructed us.
You do this remembering that no one cares more for your suffering child than the Creator does. And no one wants to meet him or her with grace more than the Savior does. One of the promises of Scripture is that there'll be a day when every tear will be dried. Now that's a beautiful promise and one that I look forward to its fulfillment. But that probably means we'll weep our way into heaven because these things will continue. And so, you want to gain understanding, you want to gain insight, you want to become more skilled in your understanding what your child is dealing with, and your ability to discern what is the result of the thing that they're suffering with, and what are just normal sinful patterns that you deal with in a normal biblical way.
BF: Well, please keep your questions coming so that we can increase our library of gospel answers found in Ask Paul Tripp. You can submit them online at paultripp.com/ask or email ask@paultripp.com. And as you feel led and are able, please consider financially supporting Paul Tripp Ministries so that we can continue to produce free gospel content that connects the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. You can learn more about giving to our nonprofit ministry at paultripp.com/gift.
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