Transcript
Ben Fallon: On today's episode of “Ask Paul Tripp,” we have two questions, Paul, about parenting and raising kids. One from a married couple who does not have kids, and then the second from a married couple who already has two kids. Simon asks, “Is it a sin for a married Christian couple to not have children? What if they have health issues, not that prevent them from conceiving, but that could make raising children more difficult, or financial constraints like no sufficient savings? I'm thirty-nine, my wife is thirty-two, will age also be a challenge to become first-time parents?”
And then the second question comes from a couple who has two children already. “I saw a tweet, they said, ‘If you and your spouse only have two kids, you're not actually multiplying, you're only replacing yourself.’ So, is only having two children a violation of Genesis 1:28 that says, ‘Be fruitful and multiply?’”
Paul Tripp: So, the Bible actually does speak to having children, I think, by command and principle. It's very interesting that the original command to Adam and Eve, think of all the things God could have said to them, one of the original commands is, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…” I mean, it's amazing to me, God just goes out and says, “Go out and have kids.” So, it clearly is in God's plan that human beings would procreate and fill the earth. Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward.” that there's blessing in having children.
So, I would say this, “God's normative plan for his children is to have children.” Now, also, we understand that God is sovereign, and things happen that make that a hardship or even impossible. There are infertile couples who can't have children. And so, with issues like this, we're always dealing with the responsibility that God has placed on us and the sovereignty of God, that is, things that happen over which we have no control. I would say that if your reason for not having children is that it would be uncomfortable, well, welcome to the world. Having children is uncomfortable. It's financially, it's health-wise, it's energy-wise, it's time-wise uncomfortable. If you want to lose control of your life, have children! It's just the way it is because you bring into the world this absolutely completely dependent human being and it's life-altering. So sure, having children is a financial hardship. Sure, it's physically taxing. But I also think it's a huge blessing.
Now, let me speak to that. I think, as I look back on raising four children, I can say it's in the context of raising four children that I understood two things. One, the Fatherhood of God and what it actually means when it says that “God is my Father.” His guiding, his protecting, his provision, his constant day-after-day faithfulness. I was blown away by now reading those passages again as a father.
And then the second thing I understood in a deeper, fuller way was God's grace. It's so hard to deal with a rebellious child. It's so hard to deal with a three-year-old who thinks he knows more than you know. And the fact that God is so incredibly kind and incredibly patient and so willing to forgive and to reconcile and restore us is just powerfully depicted in parenting because I would be struggling as a dad and I would think, “My Heavenly Father never struggles. He never gets exhausted. He never gets tired. He never gets uptight. He never wants to grab me and throw me across the room.” He never goes through any of those things. How magnificent is his grace? And so, I think there are spiritual blessings that become your experience in parenting.
Does that mean a single person can't understand God's Fatherhood? No. Does it mean they can't understand God's grace? No! But there's a real blessing to experiencing those firsthand when you're in that position and you begin to realize, “How unlike God am I?” How magnificent is his Fathering care? How magnificent is his grace? How inexhaustible is his love?
And then the other thing I would say, finally answering this question, “It's wonderful for the people of God to send godly young people out into the world to be doctors and lawyers and good neighbors and strong church members and evangelists and salt and light in a world that's dark.” And in that, there's a missional aspect to this. So, there are a lot of principles that apply here. First, God's original command to Adam and Eve to be “fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” And then secondly, that God says that having children is a reward; it's a blessing. The other principle here is that God has wired us with limits, and you ought to be honest about the limits of your strength and your wisdom and your love and your righteousness.
The fact of the matter is, Luella and I were done at two. We read a book about how horrible decisions adults make affect the lives of children. We wept as we read the book, and we realized our home was a resource and we decided to adopt because we thought we could offer a home to a child who didn't have a home. And then we had a Houdini, Darnay; God just decided that we were going to have another child, and we were done. And so, there is your desire, but there's also God's will. And we laugh to think that when we were done with two, we thought we were done, and we ended up with four. And we are so thankful that we have four children. They're all dear to us. We have no regrets whatsoever. So, again, you look at your life and you look at, again, the limits of who you are, and you try to make wise decisions. But ultimately, God's the Lord of the womb and has the ability to override the decisions that we make. And when he does that, when God interrupts your plan, it's always for your good.
BF: If you have kids or are considering having kids, I would encourage you to check out Paul's book, Parenting, 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family. We also have a video series called Getting to the Heart of Parenting that is helpful no matter what age or stage your kids are in. As Paul says, “What could be more important in your life than being one of God's tools to form a human soul? God never calls you to parenting without giving you what you need to do it. He never sends you without going with you!”
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