Well, let me read verse 7 of 1 Peter 3:
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers be not hindered.
Why does he start with 'likewise?' Because the same core focus that Peter had for the woman is for the man, and that is a focus on the character of the heart of the husband. These two sets of directions to husbands and wives are all about the heart, the character, the heart. Now we know this, that the heart is the core directional system of your personhood-where the heart goes, the body will eventually go. So, Peter has that heart focus.
Notice, husbands, that the command here is not to lead. The command is to love, to live with your wife in an understanding way. It's very interesting, the same is the case in Ephesians 5. You would expect if the wife is called to submit, the husband would be called to lead, but that's not the command. The command is to love. Maybe that is because God understands our tendencies, and what we really struggle with is not 'being in charge.' What we struggle with is self-sacrificing love. And so that's why that command.
"Live with your wife in an understanding way." I would ask you, "Are you a student of your wife: to know her, to know her emotional and spiritual gifts, to know her emotional, spiritual, physical weaknesses, so that you can live with her in a tender, loving, encouraging, supporting, helping way?"
He says, "Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel." I don't think that he's teaching that, somehow, women are innately spiritually weaker than men. We see women of incredible spiritual strength in Scripture.
I think he's actually talking about physical things here. It's that you're not meant to be a demeaning, intimidating, threatening presence. It's so easy for a man, in a moment of anger, to loom over his wife in a threatening way even if he doesn't touch her with his hand; you're supposed to honor her rather than intimidate her.
Another heart issue is that, as a husband, you would care about the mystery and glory and beauty of your spiritual union with your wife. You know, if you're a Christian couple, you have the deepest form of union you could ever have.
Think about this, husband, the Spirit of God lives in you, and the Spirit of God lives in your wife, and the Spirit of God will agree with the Spirit of God if we get out of the way of trying to force our own way. There's just this deep beautiful union as being "joint heirs of the grace of life." You are objects of God's grace; "Before the foundation of the world," God chose, for both of you, to be the recipients of His grace, and your marriage ought to be a celebration of that shared grace that God has given you. And listen, when the core union of a marriage is that you are joint heirs of God's grace, that marriage is going to go someplace wonderful.
And then here's the warning. You can't have consistent marital sin and vertical spiritual health. That's why the prayer issue at the end of this passage. You see my love for God is actually depicted by my love for the people in my life. How can you say that you love God if you don't love your brother or your sister in Christ? May God help us, whether a wife or whether a husband, to offer our hearts to God for His purpose and His using!
