I fell,
a hard fall,
broken body,
instant life change,
priorities altered,
plans interrupted
promises by the wayside,
what if’s,
if only’s
assault.
A lovely afternoon
screeches to a halt,
such is life
in a fallen world.
Emergency replaces enjoyment,
future plans die
on the pavement,
regrets replace hope,
pain replaces comfort,
dread overwhelms joy,
mystery squashes surety,
things easily done
now arduous tasks.
My body feels fragile,
new weaknesses revealed,
fear lingers,
doubt assaults,
worry haunts,
anxiety beats up peace.
But I did not fall alone.
I fell wrapped in your arms,
never abandoned,
never left alone,
not rejected,
never ignored.
No fall portrays your absence.
No hardship means
you don’t care.
In the middle of a fall
I would not have planned,
I am surrounded
by your presence,
I am buoyed by
your grace.
Your people
have made your love
visible.
I fell,
but not out of
your covenant love.
I had my tenth surgery in seven years on Sunday, October 17. No, not kidney complications this time. The day before, on Saturday, October 16, Luella and I were having a wonderful afternoon at an outdoor art fair in Los Angeles, where we are for several months. I backed up to get a better look at a painting, fell off a two-foot ledge, and crashed— entire body onto the pavement below.
With my immediate level of pain and my inability to put weight on my left leg, I knew I had broken something. Unfortunately, the x-rays on Saturday night revealed a broken hip, so the surgery that followed on Sunday was a complete hip replacement. Yet, unbelievably, they had me up and taking a few steps later that evening!
I was released from the hospital on Tuesday, October 19, and am now rehabbing in the home that we lease each year in LA. I have a long and painful journey ahead of me, but I have already made good progress, taking more steps each day using a walker in the gorgeous LA sun.
God’s presence and grace have been evident from the first moment:
- The care I have been given at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center has been the best;
- Luella has been the picture of a patient, serving spirit;
- God has made his invisible love visible through the love of his people.
Please pray for me that I would reject the lies of the enemy, affirm my identity in Christ, accept my dependency, and be committed to the hard work ahead. Thank you for the ongoing generosity of prayer and support you so willingly offer. I have been reminded that the gospel is clearly preached by these moments of hardship and need, and that nothing happens to me outside of my Savior’s love and care.
Physical weakness is a
spiritual battleground
where self-trust
wars
with trust in
you.
Lord help me.
Physical weakness is a
moral battleground
where “I don’t deserve this”
anger
wars with “I deserve worse”
gratitude.
Lord help me.
Physical weakness is a
theological battleground
where inconsistencies
between confession and life
are exposed.
Lord help me.
Physical weakness
is a potter’s workroom
where clay is softened
molded
reformed
by hands of grace.
Lord help me.
Physical weakness
is a holy place of
revelation
where you make yourself
known
so that physical weakness
would no longer be a
battleground, but a
temple
where my heart is
renewed
and worship abounds.
Lord help me.
God bless,
Paul David Tripp
Reflection Questions
1. When was the last time something happened that was completely unexpected, painful, and disruptive? How did you respond in the immediate aftermath?
2. How has that moment affected and impacted your life long-term, if at all? Where are you struggling with doubt, regret, anger, fear, or anxiety? Are you replaying alternative scenarios of “what if” or “if only” in your head?
3. How did the Lord provide for you in the immediate aftermath? How has the Lord continued to sustain you long-term? Where can you look and find evidence of that provision right here, right now today? Have you forgotten to look for it recently?
4. Who is close to you that has recently had a shocking and devastating event or loss? How can you specifically and practically serve them and incarnate the love of Christ?
5. Consider that person and their situation again. In addition to serving their physical needs, how can you preach the gospel to them in a compassionate, timely, and sensitive way? What lies of the enemy might they be hearing? How does the gospel combat those lies with gorgeous, comforting truth?