It's been a progressive cultural disaster. We watched it happen before our very eyes. It weakens human culture in many ways. The implications and the stories could not be recounted. What am I talking about? I'm talking about our walking away from God's plan for marriage. It's everywhere around us. My children were raised in Christian schools, and one evening, we were talking about the families of their friends at school, and we were shocked at how many of their classmates were from divorced or separated families.
A Way That Seems Right
And as I was thinking about this this week, I thought of that Proverb that says, "There is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." (Proverbs 14:12, KJV 2000) There is a tendency for us to actually think that we're wiser than God; that our way is better than God; more practical than God's ways; that it would lead to a better life than God's plan. "There is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." I don't do this very often, but I want to give you instructions on how to listen to this sermon tonight.
Some of you, we are going to be talking about marriage, will be very tempted, because you are married, to sit here thinking, "I'm glad my husband or wife is here; they need to hear this!" And I want you, literally, I'm asking you to do this, throughout this message, pray for the help of the Spirit of God to keep attentive, to keep an open heart for yourself. That may be a bit of a spiritual war for some of you this evening. Some of you may be so immediately filled with regret that it will be hard for you to hear the words of this sermon, and I would encourage you - remember that the One who ordained these words to be written is a God of glorious forgiveness and restoration, and He has you here for a reason.
Some of you may just get angry; I'm used to people being angry at me, so I'm not worried about that, but you don't want that anger to get in the way of hearing what God would want you to hear from this evening's sermon, and I would pray that you would pray throughout the sermon for a tender, humble, open heart. Some of you are here and you're single or you're a young person, and you think, "This sermon has nothing to do with me; I can tune out." Well, I would say again to you, "God has a reason for you being here.
You don't know where your life is going." And in all of these specific applications of the Gospel, there are bleed-overs to other areas. There's not a Gospel for the single, and a Gospel for married, and a Gospel for the young, and a Gospel for the old; there is really only one Gospel; and when I learn the will of God for one area of life, I learn applications that bleed over to other areas of life. I'm going to stop right now and pray that God would give us open hearts as we hear His Word this evening.
Let's pray. Lord, because of where our culture is, this is a very important topic. But also, it is, for many of us, a hard topic, as we have been influenced, maybe in ways we haven't understood, by the philosophy of the surrounding culture. We pray that, by Your Spirit, You would open our hearts, that we would love Your way more than we love our way, that we would glory in Your wisdom more than we glory in our own, and that rather than feeling judged and constricted by You, we would celebrate the protection of Your wisdom.
Thank you! We pray these things in the name of Jesus, Amen. Well, we have spent our time in Mark; it seems like months since we've been in Mark (it probably hasn't been that long) examining Jesus's Galilean ministry. We now find Him in Judea, and that's worth noting because the thing that initiates this discussion of marriage is a question by the Pharisees. The reason that's important is that you will remember that the Pharisees were outraged by the ministry of Christ. They were outraged for three reasons.
First of all, they were outraged by His self-declaration; that He was actually saying He was the Son of God. They were outraged because of His teaching; that was very different from anything that had been heard. And they were concerned because of the vast crowds that were following Him. And so the Pharisees were out to expose Jesus, to trap Him, to demonstrate that He was, in fact, a fraud. And so the question that initiates this conversation that Christ has with them, and then with His disciples, is not actually asked by needy, hungry men who are seeking to understand the will of God - no, no, no!
A Marriage Discussion
These are men with malignant interest who are out to trap Christ. And although their question is a question about divorce, Christ's answer is really a discussion of marriage. This is much more a marriage passage than it is a divorce passage, although it touches on both topics. Well, Jesus answers their question with a question, and He knows exactly what the Pharisees' answer is going to be. He says, when they asked the question, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" Jesus answers, "What did Moses command you?"
And He knew what they would say; He knew that they would say, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away." They were celebrating this existence of divorce; and in Palestinian culture, divorce had become way too permissive and way too regular, and Christ knew exactly what they were going to answer. Now here's the principle I want to give you this evening before I look at what Christ says next. It's this: that protection of marriage and defense against unbiblical divorce is rooted in the worship of God.
Let me say that again: Protection of marriage, as God designed it, and defense against unbiblical divorce, is rooted in the worship of God. Worship of God as Lawgiver; worship of God as Creator; worship of God as Sovereign; and finally, worship of God as Savior. What Jesus does next is rises as the Lawgiver. This is His law, and whatever the command of Moses was, Christ as Lawgiver, rules that command. And so He alone has the right to interpret it. And what He says is this, "Because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment."
Christ says, "No! No! No! No! No! You must understand that divorce was never part of the original plan." God's original plan, as we will see, is that a husband and wife would live together in this committed, unified, faithful, long-term relationship. But because of the sadness and destructiveness of the entry of sin into the world, and the capacity of sin to blind and enslave and harden people's hearts, there is this permission of divorce. (Now, I'm going to say more about that more specifically later.)
You must understand that that permission of divorce was not a loosening or a weakening or a backing away from the created plan of marriage. Rather, it was an acknowledgement of the slavery, and the destructiveness, and the hardness of sin, and a gracious God who gives us a way of dealing with how sin can destroy the bonds of a marriage. What Jesus does next is go back to creation. If you want to live in a marriage as God designed it, you must worship God as Creator. Hear these words: But from the beginning of creation, "God made them male and female.
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh." The whole structure and plan of marriage was God's idea. You need to wake up in the morning, if you're married, and say, "My marriage is God's idea, my marriage is God's creation; and if my marriage is God's creation, my marriage does not belong to me; it belongs to the Lord. And everything about it, all the structure that surrounds it, all the plans and purposes and ideas of marriage, everything that involves marriage has its source in the mind of God; God created marriage!"
That is very, very important to understand. Now, it starts with this: it was God's idea to have two sexes, male and female. If you would look at Genesis 1 and 2, there are actually two accounts of creation - Genesis 1 that leads to the institution of the Sabbath, and Genesis 2 that leads to the institution of marriage. God looked down and reasoned in His wise mind that it was not good for Adam to live alone. Now there are many things written about this moment that there is no Scriptural proof for.
God Looked Down
There's no Biblical proof that Adam was walking around lonely saying, "I need someone; I need someone; I need someone;" that's not what Scripture says. Scripture says God looked down. God knew the being He had created; He knew the purpose He had for this man; He knew that He had made him a social being, and so God knew that he needed a companion similar to him to live in this relationship. The existence of two sexes is all about God's plan for those two people and the relationship that they would enjoy and their place in the creation.
It's all God's idea. And then Jesus says this, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife." Here's the plan: that this man and this woman, having lived under the authority structure of their family of origin, would commit themselves to come together in this new relationship called marriage - that would establish a new familial authority structure that they would hold fast to throughout their lives. What a beautiful plan! And that commitment would be that lifelong, hold-fast commitment.
You say, "Well, how do you know that?" Notice what it says there, "And they shall become one flesh." That their relationship would be so committed, and so unified, and so intimate that the only words you could use for it would be 'one flesh.' That statement, 'one flesh,' is not just talking about the sexual relationship, it's talking about the comprehensive, 24/7, lifelong nature of their unity. That's marriage; that's how intimate, that's how committed, that's how long-term, that's how faithful it is meant to be; that literally, the words would be used, 'one flesh.' Now, in case you didn't understand, Jesus says this, this capstone is very, very important: "So they are no longer two, but one flesh."
Oh my! Once I've entered into this relationship, I can never look at my life in an individualistic way, because the husband and wife are no longer two separate individuals who happen to be cohabiting; that's not a Biblical view of marriage; that's the cultural view. Danger, danger, danger! Now this means, if I'm in marriage, I must not view my life in a 'me-istic' way - that means my highest commitment is to my happiness; I shop for somebody who I think will make me happy; I try to win them, not so much because I love them, but because I love me, and I think they will do things for me that will make me happy; and I stay with them in that relationship as long as they make me happy; but when they no longer are delivering happiness to me, I forsake the relationship.
No, no, no, no, no! You cannot look at this relationship this way. You cannot be in marriage thinking in that individualistic sort of way. Once you commit yourself to that other person, once this person leaves their home of origin, and this person leaves their home of origin, and they commit themselves in this lifelong relationship, I must have a "we-istic" way of looking at life. My thoughts are from the vantage point that I'm bound together with this man or this woman; that's the way I make decisions; it's the way I approach the use of my money and my resources and my free time; it's the way that I invest my life; I'm always thinking whether I'm with this person physically or not at that particular moment, I'm always thinking from a 'we and us' perspective.
Everything I do is a statement of my commitment to this person and this marriage - that's Biblical marriage, 24/7; it is a comprehensive commitment. That is what Jesus planned; that is what God planned. I'm not free to think in a way that's driven by my individual happiness, my individual desire, my individual need. I can't use my resources or my time or my energy or my money or make decisions in that way because the plan of God is, once that union takes place, we now live as a unit; we decide as a unit.
They are no longer two, but one flesh. And I would ask you this evening: "If you're married here this evening, do you live that way? Are your thoughts and desires, your day by day plans, the way you talk to one another, the way you make decisions, the things you think about the future, are they expressions of 'we-ism' (I know these terms of driving some of you crazy, I sort of like that) or 'me-ism?'" See, I think our culture has gone way, way over to the other side. Marriage has been reduced to a temporary vehicle for momentary happiness; that's what it is.
And I make a temporary commitment; I ask you to sign a prenup because I don't want any further commitment then after the moment when I decide I don't want to be with you anymore. It's a disaster, and the implications of that and their weakening of the culture around us are innumerable. I must worship God as the Lawgiver; He gives and interprets His law. I must worship God as Creator; marriage is His idea. Everything from the existence of two sexes to the nature of this relationship to the nature of the living commitment He has called us to are all His creation.
Worship God as Sovereign
But there's a third area; this is very, very important. This gets even more individual; I must worship God as Sovereign. Look at what it says next: "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Jesus is not just repeating Himself here, because the first point He's talking about is the institution of marriage. In this second thing that's being said, I'm deeply persuaded that Jesus is talking about your individual marriage; that your marriage exists because of the sovereign plan of God.
I think of my own relationship to Luella. I would like to say that I was smart enough to know that there was a little girl being raised in Placetas, Cuba, while I was raised in Toledo, Ohio, that would be worth marrying. I had no idea of her existence; I had no idea of Luella's existence until a sovereign God had written our stories in such a way that Paul Tripp, from Toledo, Ohio, and Luella Grace Jackson, from Placetas, Cuba, would be standing next to one another in a lunch line in college. Some of you have heard me say this: for me, it was love at first sight; for Luella, it was first sight.
It was God who worked all of that together; it was God who created attraction and interest; it was God who birthed desires in our hearts; it was God who controlled all the circumstances and influences that ended up bringing us together. Our marriage is an expression of the glory of His individual sovereignty. Paul says in Acts 17, "He determines the exact place where we will live and the exact length of our days." Now why is this important? Well, I will say it this way: it's important to recognize God knew exactly what He was doing.
He knew the rather wild and difficult mix of Luella and Paul; Luella, being raised in the exotic islands, and Paul being raised in the white-bred confines of Toledo, Ohio - not very exotic, I don't think there's anything exotic in Toledo. God knew, God was not shocked and dismayed that it was a sinner married to a sinner. He didn't think, "Ahhhhhh! I didn't know that was going to happen!" He knew exactly all the circumstances that would press in on us that would make us struggle at points. God knew all the weaknesses of heart in both of us; God knew all the places where we needed to grow; God knew; God knew; God knew; God knew!
There was not one surprise in all of this; He's sovereign! And the minute you say that marriage is rooted in God is Creator and God is Sovereign, hear this: you have to say marriage is part of something bigger than you. Marriage is part of something bigger than your happiness. Marriage is part of a bigger plan; and if you don't see marriage as connected to that plan, you will never live in marriage the way God intended you to live in it. It's not all about you; it's not all about your comfort; it's not all about your definition of happiness; it's not all about the meeting of your self-defined needs - marriage is part of something bigger; it's part of a grand redemptive plan that spreads through all of history and through the whole universe.
Marriage is a piece of God's sovereign plan. Yes, even your individual marriage is part of something that God is doing. In many ways, that's a mystery to us. You see, the minute you say that you have to ask the question: Why would this wise God put this comprehensive relationship, so demanding, so heart exposing, right in the middle of the world's most important incomplete process, sanctification? Wouldn't it have been easier to get us sanctified first? Who hasn't dreamed of being married to a fully sanctified person?
I always say this, and if God could throw in self-parenting children that would be helpful. Because, you see, we tend to view life, not from the vertical perspective - what has God designed and what is God intending - we tend to view life from the horizontal perspective - what is comfortable and predictable for me? Danger, danger, danger! Why has God put this difficult relationship, this long-term relationship, this demanding relationship, unparalleled in its call to commitment, to any other relationship in life in the middle of this incomplete process of sanctification?
Marriage Is a Means to an End
Because this: marriage is not an end in itself; it's a means to an end. And the end is holiness. God intends marriage to take you beyond your wisdom and beyond your strength; He intends that to happen. He knows there are times when you'll feel weak and incapable of loving; He knows there are times when you'll face discouragement, and in those moments of weakness, you are ready to reach out for the grace that can only be found in Him. That is the purpose of the relationship. God has joined us together, He brings us together, not just for our happiness - oh, there is wonderful joy in marriage - but for something profoundly more important than that and more beautiful than that; that this would be a vehicle in His gracious hands of forming us into the image of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ!
You see, our problem is not first the prevalence of divorce in our culture; our problem is that we failed in our marriages to worship God as Lawgiver, to worship God as Creator, to worship God as Sovereign; and when we do that, we are very susceptible to an unbiblical perspective on divorce, we're very susceptible to quickly break the bonds of this relationship. Well, in verse 10, Jesus is in the house with the disciples, and they're quite astute. They say, "You didn't directly answer the question."
He didn't. And they want an answer, and they decided to say, "Okay, well what is the answer? Is divorce permissible?" And Jesus says this, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." Now, this is very, very important with these words that we recognize that Scripture is meant to interpret Scripture, and so we must do that. In two particular passages, it is made clear that there are two situations where, in God's eyes, albeit sad, divorce is permissible: in the face of adultery and the abandonment of an unbelieving spouse.
All other reasons for divorce followed by remarriage are viewed as adultery in God's eyes. Maybe you're sitting here thinking, "Paul, that's so hard." All the ways of the Lord are right and true. This is the epitome of wisdom; God is wisdom. He is the Creator who knows everything about us and what is best for us; He is sovereign; He orders our lives in a way that is best. We must bow before Him and say, "God's way is always the right way." I want to end by saying this. If you've heard what I've said this evening, I don't think there's anyone in this room who would say, "I'm independently capable of living in this relationship this way."
Marriage really does expose our pride; it exposes our selfishness; it exposes our impatience; it exposes our vengeance; it exposes our envy; it exposes the fickle nature of our hearts. So the hope for marriage is not just worship of God as Lawgiver and Creator and Sovereign, but also as Savior. Jesus came, and He lived on our behalf, and He died for us, and He rose again so that we would have, hear the words of Second Peter, chapter 1, verse 3, "Everything we need for life and godliness." For some of us, that means seeking the grace of forgiveness; for some of us, that means seeking the grace of enablement, that we would have the strength to live where we are living at this moment; for some of us, that means the strength, the grace of wisdom.
But His grace is sufficient; it really is made perfect in our weakness. Your Savior knows your needs. He knows what you're facing; He knows the struggle with which you have heard these words this evening. Jesus is Immanuel - I've said this before; I will continue to say it - not just because He came to earth, but because He makes us the place where He dwells. The hope of marriage is found in His grace. Let's pray: Lord, how tempting it is for us, in little, mundane, momentary ways, or in the grand decisions of life, to think that we're smarter than You; that our way is better than Your way.
And so, Lord, we pray that You would produce in our hearts, by Your grace, worship of you as Lawgiver and as a Creator and Sovereign and Savior; that we would live joyfully inside of Your boundaries, believing that there, You will give us the grace that is necessary. In Jesus's name, Amen.
