Paul Tripp: Do these words sound familiar to you?

"I can't believe what I hear when my son talks to me."

"She gave me the old silent treatment again."

"He only talks to me nicely when he wants something."

"I feel like I spend the greater part of my day breaking up my kids' arguments."

These are all the things that I've heard over and over again. They capture something very, very important - that there's a struggle in our world of words.

Kate Crowley: From Paul Tripp Ministries, this is Right Here, Right Now, connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. Here now is Paul Tripp.

Paul Tripp: No matter where you live, no matter whom you live with, no matter what you do every day, there's one thing that you are constantly doing from the very first moment when you are fully awake in the morning to the last moments before you go to sleep; you do it.

You do it in the bedroom and in the hallway, in the kitchen, in the car, in the store, in the factory, in the boardroom, in the family room. You do it with your spouse, your children, your friends, your family, your neighbors, and your fellow workers. You haven't escaped it since you were born, and you'll do it until the very day you die.

We human beings do it almost without interruption and often without any thought to how significant it actually is. We do it so consistently we don't even realize that we're doing it. It is the one thing that separates us from the rest of creation. It's one of the ways that makes us just like God, but it seems so normal, so harmless, so mundane, but it is one of the most important and influential things we do.

Maybe you're thinking, "Paul, what in the world are you talking about?" What is this thing that we do so much? What is this thing that separates us from the rest of creation? What is this thing that separates us from the rest of creation? What is this thing that makes us like God?

And for all of its mundane normality, underneath this area is a huge struggle, a great war that rages, and it's not a war between people; it's not a war of situations. It's really a war that rages inside of me. It's a war that rages in my heart. This area is a problem for all of us because of this war, and none of us has fully conquered it.

Here's what I'm talking about--we talk; we talk all day; we talk every day, and the Bible says that our world of talk is a world of trouble.

Music: "Friends To Go" by Paul McCartney

I've been waitin' on the other side
For your friends to leave so I don't have to hide
I prefer they didn't know
So I've been waitin' on the other side
For your friends to go.

Kate Crowley: You are listening to Right Here, Right Now as Paul Tripp begins a new series titled, "What About Your Talk?" Thanks for listening. Be sure to tell your friends that Paul is here each weekday at 11 A.M. on WFIL.

Now, you can pick up a variety of resources on subjects like marriage and ministry. This includes Paul's recent book, War of Words. Just go to paultrippministries.org. That's all one word, paultripp, spelled T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org. More, now, from Paul Tripp, Right Here, Right Now.

Words Carry More Freight Than We Think

Paul Tripp: The problem when you talk about communication is that the words just don't seem to carry the freight of how significant this area of life actually is. We talk about having talks, or words, or having a chat, or a conversation, or a communication, or a discussion, and the problem with all of these words is they simply don't depict how significant and life-shaping our world of talk actually is.

Painters talk about a dynamic in human life called 'visual lethargy'. That is that we tend to see with lazy eyes. You have this in your life. We have looked at a tree so many times; it is so utterly familiar to us that, at some point, we just stop looking.

So we pass by that ever-changing, forty-foot tall plant in the middle of our front yard that is so huge and expansive that it would seem impossible to ignore, but ignore it we do. But that is exactly what we do morning after morning, day after day; we pass by that tree, and we simply don't see it. We don't notice that the bark isn't brown, but a hundred shades of brown, ranging from light tan to a brown that is so dark it's almost black.

We don't take time to see that the bark is a multi-textured maze of ridges bumping in and intersecting with one another. We fail to pay attention to the fact that none of the 10,000 leaves on the tree is exactly like another. Although similar in symmetry, each has a unique characteristic, and we fail to notice that this huge plant in the middle of our yard is home to four legged animals, birds, and a myriad of bugs.

You see, we live with lazy eyes, eyes that because of familiarity, fail to see the wonders around us. When you're driving places, those places are so familiar to you; you've seen them so many times, you quit looking; you quit looking at the buildings, and the cars, and the flowers, and the trees, and all the things that there are there to see. You've seen them so many times, it's as if your eyes were shut.

Well, hear this. We also have lazy ears. There's a way in which we've quit listening. And not only do we quit listening to others talk, we quit listing to ourselves talk. We quit hearing how significant, and how important, how life-shaping and life-directing, how relationship-forming our communication actually is. It is a profoundly important thing to say that we talk; it's an amazing capacity; it's a stunning ability, but we fail to hear how important and life-shaping our words actually are.

Do you know why? Because we are so used to hearing ourselves talk, we do it all the time from morning to evening, in every situation, in every relationship, at home, at work, in the car, at leisure, on a vacation, in difficult moments, in sad moments, in happy moments, in times of celebration, in times of debate; we talk.

We're talking all the time, and we've talked so much that somewhere along the way, we've just quit listening. We have lethargic ears that no longer pay much attention to this significant area in our lives, and because it doesn't get much attention, it can very easily become a place of real trouble.

So here's what we are going to do: We're going to take time in this program; we're going to stop, and listen, and consider what is going on in our world of talk. You need to hear yourself; you need to think about this area; you need to be thinking, "What's going on in my world of talk, right here, right now?"

Song: "Never Know" by Jack Johnson

I heard this old story before

Where the people keep killing for the metaphors

But don't leave much up to the imagination

So I wanna give this imagery back

But I know it just ain't so easy like that

So, I turn the page and read the story again

And again and again

It just seems the same with a different name

We're breaking and rebuilding and we're growing

Always guessing

Never knowing

Shocking but we're nothing

We're just moments

We're clever but we're clueless

We're just human

Amusing and confusing

We're trying

But where is this all leading we'll never know

Paul Tripp: Well, I've said we don't listen to ourselves very well. I've said that we have lethargic ears, so I'm going to help you to listen. Do these words sound familiar to you?

"I never thought that when we were going together, he would talk to me this way."

"I can't believe what I hear when my son talks to me."

"She hung up on me right in the middle of a sentence."

"My dad only talks to me when I'm in trouble."

"She gave me the old silent treatment again."

"He only talks to me nicely when he wants something."

"She talks so much it's hard to get a word in edgewise."

"I'm not comfortable with the way she talks to me about other people."

"It seems like we never have enough time to talk."

"We talked a long time, but I don't have a clue what he was trying to say to me."

"Why do we always seem to end up in an argument?"

"What happened? We seemed to be so close, and now we hardly ever talk."

"I feel like I spend the greater part of my day breaking up my kids' arguments."

"Yes, he asked for my forgiveness, but I'm having a hard time letting go of the hurt." "What he said was so cruel."

"I wish there would be just one day in our house that would be totally free of yelling."

"I don't know why I waste my time talking. It just doesn't seem to make any difference anymore."

"She always has the last word."

"He talks so sweetly to me, but only when we're in public."

"Sometimes I think it would be better if we quit talking altogether."

Do any of these things sound familiar to you? They do to me. I've heard these not only in my world of talk, but with families, again and again, that I have sought to minister to.

These are all the things that I've heard over and over again, and when they are all lumped together, they capture something very very important. They capture this - that there's a struggle in our world of words. Think about this: Who among us has not been hurt by the words of another? Who of us has not regretted something we've said?

Oh, I remember the night very well when I knew before I went to bed, I had to have a talk with my son. I had thought about it. I had prayed about it. I was so ready, I thought. I had rehearsed the words; I had played both sides of the conversation back and forth, making sure I knew exactly what I was going to say.

I felt prepared. I went into his room. I sat down, and we began to talk, and in the middle of that conversation, he said something disrespectful to me, and I lost it. And I said all the things that I never intended to say; I couldn't believe it.

I'll never forget that night, walking down the dark hallway, sitting on the edge of my bed in my dark bedroom. I was so discouraged. I couldn't believe it. I had done it again. I had done exactly what, in the early parenting days I said I would never do. I had spoken in ways that I was convinced I would never speak. I couldn't believe it; I had done it again, and I was filled with such regret and I sat at the edge my bed, and I cried out for God's help.

You see, you know you have said things that you regret. You know you wish that you could take words back out of history. You could remove them from people's ears, if you could only remove them from their memory.

Or who of us hasn't been in the regrettable position to referee an argument, to have to step in as you see and hear the talk of people begin to escalate and escalate, and you know it's not going to go anywhere good, and you do your best to get in the way to provide some intervention?

Who hasn't needed to have a serious talk with a loved one, but there simply seems to be no time? Oh you've had those moments where you need to say something important, and you can't find the time to do it, and so you try to squeeze an important conversation into a little moment, a hundred-dollar conversation into a dime moment, only to have it blow up in your face. Who can say, "My words are always appropriate to the situation and always kindly spoken?"

I think of myself as a father. I think of myself as a husband. I think of myself as a neighbor, a friend, a member of the body of Christ, a worker. I wish I could say in just one of those situations, "My words have always been appropriate to the situation and have always been kindly spoken." But I can't say this.

You see, like you, my world of talk is often confusing and chaotic. Oh sure, I'm able, like you are, to pull off a few moments of public calm and kindness. But I tell you what, behind that world is a world of trouble, and this is the world we would like to look at over the next several programs.

What is up with our world of talk? Why is our world of talk a world of trouble? If you are able to say right now, "I never regret or struggle with anything I ever say," then you don't need to listen any further. You don't have trouble in your world of talk.

But if you're listening to me right now, and you are at all prepared to admit that there is day by day evidence that your world of talk is a world of trouble, then these programs are for you.

If you're willing to admit that there is still room for you to grow in this area, if you are willing to scan your marriage, if you're willing to scan your parenting, if you're willing to scan your friendships, if you're willing to scan your relationship with your neighbors, and extended family, and work, if you're willing to go there and not have lazy ears, but actually listen to what you say and listen to what others say, if you're willing to think about your world of talk, then these programs are for you.

You see, I am deeply persuaded that it would be impossible for me to talk to anyone, even myself, about this area and say that there's no room for me to grow. If you listen to the evidence, if you actually stop and listen to yourself speak, if you listen to the conversations you have had already today, you will have to say in some way, somehow, your world of talk is a world of trouble. You have to ask yourself the question, "What is up with your world of talk?"

Music: "Shout To The Lord" by Darlene Zschech

My Jesus, my Savior
Lord, there is none like You
All of my days, I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love
My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You
Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You

Why the Familiar Is Hard to Examine

Paul Tripp: I don't know if you have found this to be true; I surely have. Sometimes it's the most familiar areas that are the hardest to examine. In those familiar areas, it's hard for us to be objective because they're so close to us. So it's hard to hear your words with accuracy. It's hard to objectively consider the impact of what you say on others. It's easy to see this great big, important thing as a little mundane, unimportant thing. It is easy to take yourself off the hook for the words you have spoken.

Perhaps you might say, "I know I yell at my kids, but my kids are resilient." Or you may say, "I know I spoke harshly, but she knows that I love her." Or, "I wasn't really angry; I was just speaking like one of the prophets." Or, "I wasn't really being defensive; I was simply trying to make a very important point." Or, "It wasn't really gossip; it was just a very long prayer request." Or, "She isn't angry because of what I said, but because she misunderstood what I said."

Now, think of the impact of all of these statements. Think about what these statements do for you and for me. What they do is they work to convince you and convince me that we do not have a problem in our world of talk.

You see, all of those are self-justifying, self-atoning statements. They convince me that my greatest problem is not the problem that's inside of me; my greatest problem is with the people outside of me. And the minute I convince myself that my greatest problem is not inside of me, but outside of me, then I quit seeking help from that problem.

I know this is going to hurt you, but I'm going to say it anyway. You and I are such skilled self-swindlers. We just do it so well. And you can argue that no one is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you more than you do. And the things that you say to you are very, very important.

Listen. Are you actively saying things to yourself that make your words okay to you? Do you work to convince yourself that you don't really have a problem in your world of talk, that your problem in your world of talk is not you; it's other people? You see, when you are successful in convincing yourself that you don't have a problem, you quit seeking help; you quit seeking the phenomenal help that only God is able to give you.

Now, are you ready? Are you listening? Are you prepared to humbly admit that you have a problem and that you need help in your world of words? Or, are you going to work real hard the rest of this day, and tomorrow, and the rest of the week, and the rest of the month, and the rest of the year, and the rest of your life? Are you going to work real hard to keep convincing yourself that you've got no problem; you've got no trouble; you've got no chaos in your world of talk? Are you ready right here, right now to say, "God, I've listened, and I've heard, and there is trouble in my world of talk"?

(Music Interlude)

I love the Proverbs in the Bible. I love the way they so pointedly encapsulate God's wisdom, and sometimes the Proverbs scratch you where you itch. Other times, the Proverbs poke you where you don't want to be poked.

I think this is one of these poking Proverbs, but we need to be poked. There's a proverb in the Bible; it says, "When words are many, sin is not absent." "When words are many, sin is not absent." What an amazing statement!

James says that if you have no problem in your talk, then you are a perfect person, able to keep your whole body in check. That's in James 3. What is God saying in these two statements, one in Proverbs and one in James? God is calling us to stop and listen. He's inviting us to hear and to admit what we hear. He is calling us to be willing to say, "Yes, Lord, I do have a problem in this area, and I reach out for Your help.

Oh, isn't it wonderful to know that the God, who gave you the ability to talk, now is ready to give you what you need to speak as He intended? Oh, let me say that again, "Isn't it wonderful to know that the God, who gave you the ability to talk, now is ready to give you what you need to speak as He intended?"

Isn't it wonderful to know that His grace is more powerful than our war of words? There is help for us right where we live, right here, right now. There is mercy for every moment of talk. There is wisdom for every foolish word. There is help for our words; there is help for our words; there's help for our words. And there is hope because, in your world of talk, you are never ever alone.

Kate Crowley: Paul Tripp, with an encouraging reminder from his new series: "What About Your Talk?" on today's Right Here, Right Now.

Now, if you'd like to explore this topic even further, pick up your own personal copy of War of Words, the latest book by Paul Tripp. In its pages, you'll discover the secret to the power of the word. That's War of Words. And you can request a copy when you visit paultrippministries.org. That's paultripp, spelled T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org.

Now, if you have been encouraged by something Paul said today, you can listen to this program or previous programs online or sign up for the daily podcast. You may also want to request a copy on CD; it's available for just five dollars. Get these and many other helpful resources at paultrippministries.org or when you call us at 1-800-551-6595. That's toll-free, 800-551-6595.

And if you'd like to help others discover freedom in Jesus Christ through the ministry of Right Here, Right Now, give online at paulltrippministries.org. Just click on 'Ministry Support.'Or write to us at 7214 Frankford Avenue, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19135. And, why not invite Paul to speak at your church or special event?

Now, next time, Paul continues to look at the power of words from the series: "What About Your Talk?" That's coming tomorrow. I'm Kate Crowley, and for all of us at Paul Tripp Ministries, remember, in Jesus Christ, there really is help, Right Here, Right Now.