Paul Tripp: You don't have to be discouraged; there are steps of change, and in every step, God will make Himself and His grace known to you. God will not call you to do something without giving you the wherewithal to do it.

Don't be discouraged; there really is a way to get from where you are to where God has made it possible for you to be. Change is possible.

Kate Crowley: From Paul Tripp Ministries, this is Right Here, Right Now, connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life.

Jared (Male Actor): We can't keep doing this; it's not good for us.

Shannon (Female Actress): But we've tried everything we know. We've read all the good books and tried to use all the skills, but we always end up in the same place.

Jared: It's pretty discouraging. Shannon, I thought last night was going to be different. We were actually communicating for a while, then it just all blew up.

Shannon: Well, you're so touchy, Jared. It doesn't take much to set you off, and then once you're angry, there is no telling what will come out of your mouth.

Jared: Well, Shannon, you're not exactly 'Little Miss Patient.' You were throwing barbs at me the whole conversation. I actually think I did a pretty good job of keeping my cool.

Shannon: Let's just stop before we get into another one of those horrible arguments. I just don't think I could live through another one.

Jared: Me either.

Shannon: The point is that I'm totally discouraged. We've gotten to the point where we can't talk about anything that is remotely serious.

Jared: I just don't know what to do, Shannon. I just don't know what to do.

Music: "Yesterday" by the Beatles

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Kate Crowley: This is Right Here, Right Now. And, in just a moment, Paul takes a further look at "What About Your Talk?" from his new series.

Don't forget, Paul is here each weekday at 11 A.M. and 11 P.M. this evening on WFIL with the goal to remind you, every day, that there really is help in Jesus Christ right here, right now.

For a look at more resources, including Paul's book, War of Words, visit paultrippministries.org. That's all one word, paultripp, spelled, T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org. More on "What About Your Talk?" on Right Here, Right Now with Paul Tripp.

Do You See Jarred or Shannon in Your Relationships?

Paul Tripp: Do you find Jarred or Shannon in any of your relationships? Have you examined your world of talk, and have you come to know that change really does need to take place? You know that you have to take responsibility; you know you can't blame the people or the situations around you anymore. You know God has shown you that your biggest problem with words is inside of you, not outside of you.

You're tired of regretting what you've said, and you're tired of having to clean up the messes that your wrong words have caused. You know there's a better way. There is a better way. You believe that change is really possible because you've embraced the promises of the Lord Jesus Christ. You know, because of what Christ has done for you that you can do better. The Gospel of Jesus Christ, the message of the cross of Jesus Christ, is a message of fresh starts and new beginnings. It's a message of the better way.

But you still feel stuck because you aren't sure how change is going to practically take place. You want to believe it can take place, and you've heard that it can take place, and you're beginning to move toward the hope that it can take place, but you don't know what that change looks like. You don't know what the steps of change are. What is God calling you to do in this area of your talk? How will you get from where you are to where God wants you to be?

You see, you can never get to a destination unless you know where the destination is, and you can never get to that destination if you don't know the steps that are necessary to get from where you are to where you need to be.

We want to look at the destination today. But we don't want to just look at the destination in a dreamy, cloudy, hope sort-of-way. No, we want to get to the destination. We want to think about the destination in a way that's concrete and practical. What are the steps of change that can radically alter your world of talk?

Here's the question: "When it comes to real, lasting difference in your world of talk, what exactly are the biblical steps of change?" Let me repeat that for you, "When it comes to real, lasting difference in your world of talk, what exactly are the biblical steps of change?" It is of no help to know what you need to change, to have some understanding of where God wants you to be, but not to know how to get there from where you are right here, right now.

God is calling you to change. He's welcoming you to experience new grace in this area of your talk. He's welcoming you to be dissatisfied with the status quo. He's calling you to a different place and to a better way, but you have got to know steps; you have got to know where to walk; you have got to know what to do. It has to be concrete and practical to your everyday life and experience. And I am happy to say that the Bible is just that practical. The Bible really does give us concrete steps of change. The Bible does teach us how to get from where we are to where we need to be in our world of talk.

Music: "Where the Streets Have No Name" by U2

I want to run, I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside
I want to reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
The burnin' down love, burnin' down love
And when I go there, I go there with you
It's all I can do

The Bible Is About the Grace of Change

Paul Tripp: There's something I just love in the Bible. Well, I actually love everything about the Bible, but there is something that I just particular love. And it's that the Bible is not just about the grace of forgiveness, the Bible is about the grace of change. The Bible is a book of new beginnings and fresh starts. The Bible holds before us that hope that we can change, and in so doing, act and speak in brand-new ways.

You know, your relationships can change; your communication can change; your family can change; your life of parenting can change; your community can change; your relationship to your neighbors can change. The Bible is all about the hope of change. And although the Bible clearly presents that change generally is a process and not an event, it does call us to do all that we can do to participate in God's work of change in us and in others.

Here's the question: "If we're going to arrive at the destination that is a whole new agenda for our talk, what are the steps that we need to walk that will move us in that direction?" Well, that's what I want to do with you right now. I want to lay out a series of steps that will move you in the direction that God wants to take you in this important area of communication.

Here's the first step: Don't give way to regret. It is so easy to be swallowed up by remorse. It is so easy to be paralyzed by regret. It is so easy to play the CD of all of your wrong words over and over again. Your Lord knows that your growth is a process. He is not impatient, and He will not turn His back on you because you've failed. As you look at the bad harvest bad words have produced, there are things about God that you need to remember. Remember this: God not only forgives, He restores; He not only forgives, He rebuilds; He not only forgives, He reconciles. He is very good at restoring what seems to be hopelessly destroyed. God is the Ultimate Restorer. Don't give way to regret.

Second: Embrace Gospel hope. You say, "Paul, I don't know what you mean by that." Well, here's what I mean. You need to remember that you have been gifted with grace that is more powerful than all of your sins. On the cross, the power of sin over you was broken. And although the presence of sin still remains and troubles your life, you do not have to live under its domination. In the dust of your trouble, keep reminding yourself that you are not alone. Your Lord is with you, working to free you from sin's addiction and to change you into His image.

Third: Be willing to examine your fruit. You may be thinking, "Paul, what has fruit got to do with my words?" Well, here is: What harvest of what kind of fruit does your communication produce? Is it a harvest of encouragement, hope, and love that people feel as a result of talking with you? Do your words lead to forgiveness, reconciliation, and peace? Do your words impart wisdom and faith to others, or do your words lead to discouragement, division, condemnation, bitterness, and foolishness? Examine your harvest; it will tell you a lot about your words.

But, it's not enough just to examine your harvest. You must, fourth: Expose your roots. I don't mean that it's time to have your hair dyed again because there are roots showing. No, when the Bible talks about roots, it's pointing to the heart. You and I need to humbly admit that our wrong words are connected to wrong thoughts, attitudes, desires, and motivations in our heart. And the only way your talk will ultimately change in a lasting way--is when that change takes place at the level of fruit--that is the heart.

Don't give way to regret; experience Gospel hope; examine your fruit; expose your roots.

Fifth: Seek forgiveness. It is only when we humbly ask for forgiveness that we quit excusing, quit rationalizing, and quit justifying ourselves. You see, when you do that, you've provided self-atonement, and because of that, you don't go and seek the forgiveness of God, and the forgiveness of others, and you abort His work in your life.

We say self-atoning statements like, "I wasn't angry, I was just trying to emphasize my point." Or, "She has the unique ability to drive me crazy." Or, "I wasn't feeling well, so I wasn't myself when I spoke." Or, "I was just having one of those days." If lasting change is going to take place, you have to ask yourself: "What sins of communication God is calling you to confess to Him and to others?"

Sixth: Change the rules. Lasting change is the result of a commitment to a new and better way. So we need to ask ourselves, "What old patterns is God calling you to replace? What will the new way look like? Where are places where you will be tempted to go back to the old way? Where will change be hard and demand perseverance? Who are the people in your life that you can invite to hold accountable?"

Don't give way to regret; embrace Gospel hope; examine your fruit; expose your roots; seek forgiveness; change the rules. Seventh: Look for real opportunities. So much of real change starts with a change of perspective. Instead of looking at those difficult and tough moments as obstacles to change, see them as God-given opportunities to experience God's grace and to step out in a better direction.

Eighth: Choose your words. Determine to be intentional, rather than reactive. Determine to think before you speak, and pray before you think. Change is all about choosing your words wisely, and God will give you the grace to choose those words. Choose words that give Him glory; choose words that benefit other people.

Ninth: Confess your weakness. Our problem is not that we're weak; God delights in meeting us in our weakness with His powerful grace. What gets in the way of change are our delusions of strength.

Tenth: Don't give the devil an opportunity. Learn to locate where you are most susceptible to temptation. Learn to watch for his tricks and prepare yourself.

Now here are the steps: Don't give way to regret; embrace Gospel hope; examine your fruit; expose your roots; seek forgiveness; change the rules; look for opportunities; choose your words; confess your weakness; don't give the devil an opportunity.

Listen! You don't have to be discouraged. There are steps of change; and in every step, God will make Himself and His grace known to you. God will not call you to do something without giving you the wherewithal to do it. Don't be discouraged. There really is a way to get from where you are to where God has made it possible for you to be. Change is possible.

Music: "Beneath the Cross of Jesus" by Elizabeth C. Clephane and Frederick C. Maker

Beneath the cross of Jesus
I fain would take my stand-
The shadow of a mighty Rock
Within a weary land;
A home within a wilderness,
A rest upon the way,
From the burning of the noontide heat,
And the burden of the day.

Music: "Hallelujah, What a Saviour!" by Philip P. Bliss

"Man of Sorrows," what a name
For the Son of God who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim!
Hallelujah! what a Saviour!
Guilty, vile, and helpless, we;
Spotless Lamb of God was He;
"Full atonement" can it be?
Hallelujah! what a Saviour!
Ooooo Ooooo

Steps of Change for Your Talk

Paul Tripp: Let me repeat for you the steps that we just talked about. Don't give way to regret; it can paralyze you. Know that God is a Restorer. Embrace Gospel hope; God will give you the grace to deal with all of the things that you need to deal with. Examine your fruit. What do your words produce in your relationships? Expose your roots. What are the wrong thoughts, attitudes, and desires that get your words into trouble? Seek forgiveness; quit justifying yourself; go to God; go to others; ask for their forgiveness. Change the rules. Determine that you're going to take your words to a new and better place, that there's a new and better way.

Look for opportunities. Don't look for those moments of life that are troublesome as obstacles; look at those places as opportunities. Choose your words. Determine to be intentional rather than reactive. Confess your weaknesses. Don't be afraid of being weak. That's why you've been given God's grace. What you ought to be afraid of are those illusions of strength that get us all. And finally, don't give the devil an opportunity. Learn to locate where you are most susceptible; learn to watch for his tricks.

So, are you moving in the right direction? Are you seeing progressive change take place in your world of talk? Let me give you another one of my communication quizzes. Are there places where you're still believing Satan's lies?-- "You'll never change. You'll never be able to forgive him. God's too busy to care about your little conversations. Your angry words weren't really your fault. You shouldn't feel so bad. If anyone else had been in your shoes, they would have blown up too."

Or, what communication regrets do you need to leave behind? Where are regrets keeping change from taking place. Or, what "If only's?" have gotten in the way of the change to which God has called you? If only I had a certain husband...If only I had a certain wife, and...If only I had certain children. All those things tend to point you outside of yourself rather than inside of yourself.

What specific and concrete verbal sins do you need to confess? Where do you use words in a way that dishonors God and hurts other people? And besides confessing them to God, what people would it be appropriate for you to confess to?

Which of God's promises do you need to remember so that you will have hope in the midst of the struggle to grow and change? What promises of God do you tend to forget? Where do you need to start, right now, as you seek to cooperate with God who is willing and able to rebuild your world of talk? What steps of change is God calling you to?

You see, it's not like you're standing on one side of a river, and you need to get to the other side of the river, and the bridge has washed out. Jesus, on the cross, has bridged the river. It is possible for you to get from where you are right now in your messy world of talk to where you need to be because of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Step forward in faith. Do what God calls you to do in Scripture, and watch God change your world of words.

(Music Interlude)

Paul Tripp: I love the fact that the biblical story is gritty, and honest, and realistic, and practical. The biblical story lives at the street level where the rubber-meets-the-road in everyday life. But what I really love is for all of its grittiness, the biblical story is a story of hope. Isn't it wonderful to know that, in all of the messes that you have made with your words, God hasn't turned His back on you? Isn't it wonderful to know, that no matter how bad your communication has been, you are not stuck? Isn't it encouraging to know that real, lasting change is possible for each one of us? And, isn't it a sweet thought that God is with us for every moment of every struggle?

As you measure your potential for change, don't just look to your track record; or, don't just look to the size of your communication trouble. No, look to God. If you are God's child, Christ is your potential. Paul said, "It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me." Paul is not saying, "He's dead." What he is saying is, "The life force that now energizes this man is no longer me; the life force that energizes me and my behavior is Christ."

As a child of God, I've been given both a new identity and a new potential. So I can embrace my inability with hope; I can embrace my inability with hope, because I no longer have to rely on my own strength. I no longer have to rely on my own wisdom. I no longer rely on the span of my own character. No, I've been given a personal connection to the most powerful force in the universe--the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. And because of that, my talk really can change right here, right now.

Kate Crowley: "Learning to Rely on the Lord," Paul Tripp with "What About Your Talk?" on today's edition of Right Here, Right Now.

For more information on this topic, take a look at War of Words. In this book, Paul Tripp examines the power of God-honoring speech. That's War of Words, available at our website, paultrippministries.org, all one word--Paul Tripp, spelled T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org.

And while you're there, you can hear today's program again or sign up for the daily podcast. If you'd like a CD copy of today's broadcast for yourself or to share with a friend, it's available for just five dollars. You can order a copy, as well as other video, audio, and print resources on issues important to you. Check them out at paultrippministries.org, or call us at 1-800-551-6595. That's toll free, 800-551-6595.

You can help share the ministry of Right Here, Right Now with others across the country. Go online at paultrippministries.org, and click on 'Ministry Support.' Or, write 7214 Frankford Avenue, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19135.

Be here next time for more truth in the name of Jesus Christ. This is Kate Crowley, and for all of us at Paul Tripp Ministries, we want to remind you that, in Jesus Christ, there really is help right here, right now.