Paul Tripp: We do not want to think that perhaps our biggest problem with communication exists inside of us and not outside of us, but that's exactly where it is. When you look for help for your world of talk, do you look in the right place?

Kate Crowley: From Paul Tripp Ministries, this is Right Here, Right Now, connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. Here, now, is Paul Tripp.

Paul Tripp: I just don't know how else to say it. He had me hooked. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but I was actually determined somehow, some way, I would get his respect. I was going to get this man's respect.

I was his pastor, and he had made it very clear that he didn't respect me. He had made it very clear in many ways. He had made it very clear in private, and he had made it very clear in public. This man had me hooked. He thought my leadership was immature, and he thought my preaching was a joke. In fact, he said once, "You know your preaching? You're killing us, Paul." And in so doing, he really did hook me.

I had a whole new mission for my ministry. My preaching not only had helping people as its purpose, it got a new purpose - getting this man's respect. And the more I tried to preach to please him, the more this man's respect eluded me. And the more his respect eluded me, the more hooked I was on getting it.

When I would stand up to preach, everyone else's head was a normal size except this guy. He had the eyes of the Mona Lisa that seemed to track everywhere I looked. His head looked about four feet big to me, and he had huge, disapproving eyes. My world of talk had been hooked. My world of talk had been kidnapped, and it was eating me up, and I didn't even know why. I'm not sure how it happened. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but he had me hooked, and I didn't know how to get myself out of it. I had a whole new purpose. I was going to do anything I needed to do to get this man's respect.

Music: "Wonderful Remark" by Van Morrison

How can we listen to you
When we know your talk is cheap?
How can we ever question
Why we give more and you keep?
How can your empty laughter
Fill a room like ours with joy?
When you're only playing with us
Like a child does with a toy?
How can we ever feel the freedom
Or the flame lit by the spark?
How can we ever come out even
When reality is stark?
That was a wonderful remark
I had my eyes closed in the dark, yeah
I sighed a million sighs
I told a million lies to myself, to myself

Kate Crowley: "What About Your Talk?" That's the new series from Paul Tripp coming up on Right Here, Right Now. The purpose of this program is to help you find freedom in Jesus Christ right here, right now. And you can help spread the word that Paul Tripp Ministries can be heard Monday through Friday at 11 A.M. right here on WFIL.

You're invited to log on to paultrippministries.org, where you can pick up a copy of Paul's book, War of Words and other video, audio, and print resources. That's paultrippministries.org. Right Here, Right Now continues with Paul Tripp.

When Your Words Get Hooked

Paul Tripp: Now, I know I'm not the only one who gets hooked. You get hooked too. Somehow, some way, your world of words gets kidnapped. You don't want that to happen, and you don't intend that to happen. You don't say that you're going to let your words be dominated by the approval of a certain person, but it happens. Why do we use words to get what we want instead of to achieve what God wants?

Here's the reason - because our biggest problem with words, get ready for this, exists inside of us and not outside of us. No, we don't really want to live admitting that that's true, but it is really true. We want to think that maybe our biggest problem is outside of us. Maybe we're the exception to the rule, so we say, "She makes me so angry." "He pushes all of my buttons." "I just didn't have the time to sit down and discuss it calmly." Or, "If you had my children, you'd yell too." Or, "She brings out the worst in me."

Now, what do all of these statements do? All of these statements provide something important. They provide self-atonement. They work to convince me that my problem is not me. All of these statements take us off the hook because they work to convince us that our biggest problem with words lives outside of us and not inside of us.

But you have got to hear this. The Bible says something very different to us. The Bible really does describe exactly why that man hooked me in the way he hooked me. The Bible says that the biggest problem with my talk is inside of me, and your biggest problem with your talk is inside of you. And this means something very important. It means that you will only begin to see change take place in your world of talk when you quit looking outside of yourself and begin to look inside of yourself, and that is very hard to do. We can have such an accurate view of the mistakes of others, of the needs of others, of the wrong of others, of the immaturity of others, but we can be so blind to what's going on inside of ourselves.

And so, what God wants us to do is look into the perfect mirror of the Word of God that shows us-us as we actually are. You see, we tend to look in carnival mirrors. The carnival mirror shows you you, but it shows you-you with distortion. It may be the carnival mirror of another person's opinion, or the carnival mirror of my view of my success, or the carnival mirror of cultural values, or family values. What I need is: I need to see myself in the accurate mirror of the Word of God.

Think about what a mirror does. You wake up the morning, and you stumble into the bathroom, and you look in the mirror, suppressing your screams as you examine the damage that the night has done. Here's what the mirror does--the mirror shows you-you as you actually are. That's what we need. You see, we get hooked, but we explain away the way that we're hooked because we do not want to think that perhaps our biggest problem with communication exists inside of us and not outside of us. But that's exactly where it is. When you look for help for your world of talk, do you look at the right place?

Music: "Tangled" by Maroon 5

I'm full of regrets for all the things
That I've done and said
And I don't know if
It'll ever be okay to show
My face around here
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear
Would you ever turn your head and look
See if I'm gone 'cause I fear
There is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I think I should go
The things I've done are way too shameful
Oh

Luke 6: The Trouble Is Inside of Us

Paul Tripp: I want to look with you at some passages of Scripture that begin to point us to the fact that our trouble with talk is inside of us, not outside of us. Listen to what Jesus says in Luke 6:43 to 45...

"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the goods stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. [Now listen to this.] For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."

Your words come from inside of you. They really are your heart overflowing. Now, what does the Bible mean when it uses the word 'heart?' Heart is the biblical term for the real you, the inner you. The Bible divides the human being up into two pieces: The outer man, which is your physical self; and the inner man, which is your spiritual self. And the Bible uses a lot of words for the inner man: mind, emotions, spirit, soul, will; and all of those words are collected by one big basket term called 'heart.' That heart term is used in some 960 passages of Scripture. It's one of the most fully developed themes in all of the Bible.

Now the heart is the motivational 'you;' the heart is the thoughtful 'you;' the heart is the control center of the human being. So, your words are shaped not by the outside situation; your words are actually shaped by how your heart interacts with the outside situation.

Now notice the principle of the passage. It says, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks"... "Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."

My mom was a member of the depression-era family, ten brothers and sisters. This was, what our culture would call, a classic dysfunctional family. These people didn't like one another very well, but they were committed to family reunions. And they were sort of strange, creepy gatherings that would happen once a year, and there would be a hall rented, or it would be at somebody's house. And the families would gather from all over the country, and the big centerpiece of that day was a wonderful meal; everybody would bring their best dish.

But after the meal, there would be enough alcohol come out to float the Queen Mary, and this thing would get pretty wild. And so, my parents had the habit of taking us there; we'd have the meal, and then, they taught us how to work the table - say, "Hello!" to our aunts, and uncles, and cousins, and before this thing got too wild, my parents would grab us all, and we'd beat our retreat.

Well, one Saturday, my mom got involved in an evangelistic encounter with one of her siblings and didn't realize that another one of my uncles had gotten very drunk, and he was saying sexually perverse things about ladies in the room. My mom realized that; she grabbed my brother Mark, and she yanked us to the car. I remember it well. I don't think my feet touched the steps.

And when she had us in the car, before she drove away, she said, "I want to say something to you about what just happened, and I don't want you to ever forget it." And, I never have. She said these eloquent words, "There's nothing that comes out of the mouth of a drunk that wasn't there in the first place."

Hear this. That alcohol didn't create that sexual perversion; that alcohol loosened the man's lips, and when his lips were loose, out came the heart. That man was actually thinking those thoughts in his sobriety. The drunkenness loosened his lips, and out came the heart. You wouldn't make that man pure by removing alcohol because his problem was not so much an alcohol problem, but a heart problem.

Imagine I'm holding a bottle of water. It's got the lid off of it, and I shake it real hard, and water comes out. Why did the water come out? Now you may say, "Well, the water came out because the bottle was shaken," but that's not really true, because if the bottle was filled with milk, you could shake it forever, and water wouldn't come out of it. You see, the only thing that comes out of the bottle when it is shaken is what was already in there in the first place. That's what Christ is talking about in this passage--that it is out of the heart that the mouth speaks, and that my words are shaped by my heart. This is what this means - word problems are always heart problems because our hearts form our words.

Think about what James says in James 4; he asked this question: "What causes fights and quarrels among us?" Now, he doesn't say next, "Don't they come from those people that you live with?" You see, that's what we do. We look outside of ourselves to explain our anger. James says, "What causes fights and quarrels among us--don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" James isn't saying it's wrong to desire. He doesn't use the word 'evil' before the word 'desire.' But what he's doing is he's connecting my angry communication to my desires.

Listen! Why do I speak unkindly to you? Because there's a certain set of desires for something that I want that have now taken control of my heart, and I'm angry that you're in the way of what I want. You see, desire for even a good thing becomes a bad thing when that desire becomes a ruling thing. My words were never meant to be ruled, to be controlled, by a desire for something in the creation. My words were only ever meant to be controlled by God. And when desire for acceptance, or desire for possessions, or desire for power, or desire for anything in the creation begins to rule my heart, I will immediately have havoc in my world of words.

You see, it's out of the heart that the mouth speaks. Romans 1:25 grabs it very powerfully with these words: "We tend to exchange worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of the creation." You see, my problem with words is more than tough situations. It's more than difficult people; it's more than an unpredictable schedule. It's more than all those difficulties of life in a fallen world. My problem with words, get this, it's liberating when you get a hold of this; my problem with words is a heart problem. And when the wrong things rule my heart, my world of talk will be a world of trouble.

Music: "Leaning On The Everlasting Arms" by Twila Paris

What a fellowship
What a joy divine
Leaning on the everlasting arms
What a blessedness
What a peace is mine
Leaning on the everlasting arms
Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarm
Leaning (leaning on Jesus)
Leaning (leaning on Jesus)
Leaning on the everlasting arms
Leaning (leaning on Jesus)
Leaning (leaning on Jesus)
Safe and secure from all alarm

Where Do You Place Responsibility for Your Talk?

Paul Tripp: So be honest; where do you place responsibility for your talk--when you are angry, when you are envious, when you gossip, when you use words as weapons instead of instruments of help, where do you put responsibility? Do you blame your negative talk on other people? Do you blame your negative talk on situations? Do you blame the traffic, your schedule, finances, weather, your vehicle, your job, your family, your neighborhood?

Do you tend to blame others for your own communication - your wife, your husband, your children, your parents, your boss, your coworkers, your friends, your neighbors? Do you tend to blame God? "Oh, God, if only I had..." Do you tend to say, "If I only had more money...If I only had a more understanding spouse...If I only had better education...If I only had a more understanding pastor or church...If I only had more obedient children...If I only had more loving, and supportive, and extended family...If I only had more caring friends, better neighbors, a more reasonable boss"?

Remember, the Bible clearly says that your words are not controlled by what is outside of you, but by what is inside of you. Go back to Luke 6, verse 43 to 45. Jesus gives a wonderful, physical example. He says, "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. You can't pick figs from thorn bushes."

Think about this. What's the best way to recognize an apple tree? Well, you recognize it by apples. But you instinctively know that that tree is 'apple-istic' all the way down to its roots. If it didn't have 'apple-ism' in its roots, it wouldn't grow apple fruit. You will never plant peach pits in the ground and get apples.

In the same way, there's a spiritually organic connection between the thoughts and desires of my heart and what is spoken in my words. Wrong desires, wrong thoughts, will always lead to wrong in my communication in some way. And you see if that's the case, when you get bad fruit, you don't solve the problem by just dealing with externals. If I have a fruit tree, an apple tree, in my back yard, and it always grows inedible apples, and I tell my wife that I'm going to fix it by climbing up in a ladder and cutting off all the old apples and nailing apples, good apples, on to the tree, my wife would think I was crazy.

But think about this, there's an awful lot we do in trying to change our communication that is nothing more or less than apple-nailing, because it attempts to change communication that does not get at the heart of the matter, and the heart of the problem in talk is the heart.

When my heart is ruled by the wrong thing, when my heart thinks the wrong thing, when my heart desires the wrong thing, when my heart is gripped by the wrong purposes and motivations, I will not speak in a God-honoring, people-benefiting way. See, change can't just be at the level of fruit; change has to be at the level of roots as well. That's why Jesus Christ came to give us the possibility of that kind of change.

(Music Interlude)

Paul Tripp: So are you ready? Are you ready to quit looking outside? Are you ready to quit blaming other people for the fruit of your own talk? Are you ready to say, "My problem with my talk is me"? Are you ready to humbly recognize those desires that begin to take control of your heart, and in so doing, shape your words?

Are you ready to say that often you forget God's purpose when you speak because your heart is so hooked by your own purpose? Just like--my heart was hooked by the desire for the respect of that man. Are you ready to say to God, "Lord, won't you give me Your grace and pry open my fingers so that I would be willing to let go of what I want and to begin to get excited about what You want"?

Remember, the one thing you cannot change in your life is your own heart. That's exactly why the promise of the cross is so exciting. The bright promise of the cross is a new heart, and in that promise is the promise of real and lasting change. What is that new heart about? It's a heart of stone being taken out and a heart of flesh being given. A heart of stone can't be molded; a heart of flesh can be molded, the promises that, in Christ, I find the ability to change, to really change. How about reaching out for real change? How about quit looking outside of yourself? How about celebrating the change that Jesus Christ can bring into your life when you say, "It's me; it's me; it's me"?

Kate Crowley: Paul Tripp and the power of words from the series, "What About Your Talk?" Be sure to tune in tomorrow for more from this series. Today, Paul provided some thoughts about the change needed in our own lives, as well as the lives of others.

If you would like to hear these words again, or would like to share them with friends, you can order the CD's online as well as other helpful resources. That's at paultrippministries.org. While you're there, check out War of Words. In this book, Paul Tripp examines the power of God-honoring speech. That's War of Words, available at our website, paultrippministries.org, all one word, paultripp, spelled T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org.

Remember, you can also sign up for the daily podcast so you can listen to these encouraging lessons on demand anytime. CD copies of today's broadcast are available for just five dollars. You can order from the website or call us at 1-800-551-6595. That's toll-free 800-551-6595.

Right Here, Right Now can use your help to bring these messages of hope and healing to others. All you need to do is click on 'Ministry Support' at paultrippministries.org, or write to us at 7214 Frankford Avenue, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19135.

Now, if you'd like Paul to be guest speaker at your church or special event, just go online for more information. Next time, Paul digs deeper into the power of words from the new series, "What About Your Talk?" For Paul Tripp and all of us at Paul Tripp Ministries, I'm Kate Crowley, reminding you that, in Jesus Christ, there really is help, right here, right now.