Paul Tripp: Impatience, bitterness, angry words, fighting, malice, slander, all result from one thing; they never result from a zeal from God's law. They're always the result of you offending my law! That's the bottom line; that's the ticket.

Kate Crowley: Welcome to Right Here, Right Now and today's program from Paul Tripp Ministries. Join us as Paul connects the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life.

Female Voice: I don't know why she's so mad at me; it was her idea. I had my doubts about us taking a vacation together. After all, a month is a long time to live face to face with anybody. She acts like I purposefully wrecked her dream vacation. What about me?

She doesn't seem to remember that I spent a lot of time and money on that wretched trip as well. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp the fact that maybe it wasn't all my fault. Sure, I did demand that we were in separate rooms half way through the vacation, but I really did think it would make things easier for us both. How was I supposed to know that she would take such offense?

I've never been in a situation where a person literally refused to talk to me--not one solitary word for three days. I've been trying to call her, but she won't answer my calls.

I'm willing to try to make up with her, but I will not take the blame for everything that happened while we were away. Has she taken a moment to look at herself? No! Not likely! She spent too much time looking at me.

That email I got last night was way over the top. Does she actually think I'm going to pay her back for some of what she spent on the vacation because of what she says I did to spoil it? Huhhh! I care for her; I really do, but this is too much. It's just too much.

Music: "Troubles" by Alicia Keys

Feel like the world is closing on me
Feel like my dreams will never come to me
I keep on slippin'deeper into myself
And I'm scared, so scared
If you're troubled
You just gotta let it go
If you're worried, baby
You just gotta let it go
All your hustles ain't for nothing
You just gotta take it slow
When you need me, baby
All you do is let me know

Kate Crowley: And you are listening to Right Here, Right Now in dealing with the struggle within from today's message, "Why Does It Happen Anyway?" from Paul Tripp.

Now, Paul has a helpful book on the power of talk called, War Of Words, a book that can help you deal with conflict and discover God's grace. It's available at Paul's website, paultrippministries.org. And while you're there, be sure to check out the other resources designed to help you live your life in the grace that God provides. Again, that's paultrippministries.org. And now, here's Paul Tripp with more Right Here, Right Now.

Made for Community, Prone to Conflict

Paul Tripp: Well, it's there in the garden; God says that it's not good for us to live alone. It's there in the Psalms; what a blessing it is when we live with one another in unity. It's there in the teaching of Christ; we are called to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It's there in the teachings of Paul; we're to be humble, gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love.

It's there in the letter of Peter; we should be quick to offer hospitality to one another. It's there in the short letter of John; if God is love, then we, too, should love. It's there in those dramatic moments of eternity so powerfully recorded by John; one day, we will worship together with one voice and in complete unity. It is a major theme in the Bible.

Here it is--we were made for relationships. We're social beings. We were made, designed, created, to love one another.

But there's another theme. That one theme doesn't hang out there all by itself, that theme of love. And it's also there in the Garden as Adam blames Eve for his rebellion. It's there in the sibling homicide of Cain.

It's there in the criticism of the Israelites against Moses. It's there in the jealousy of Saul against David. It's there in the competition of the disciples for power in the Kingdom.

It's sadly there in the denial of Peter of his Lord Christ. It's there in the division of the newly minted church recorded in the epistles. It's there all over the story of the Bible. We simply have a terrible time getting along with one another!

So here's the story of the Bible--it's the intersection, the collision of these two themes. One is this gorgeous, overarching, constantly repeated call to love because we were made to live in community with one another, and that smashes against another theme.

It's the theme of our selfishness, and anger, and irritation, and impatience. It's a theme of war, and division, and malice, and slander, and anger. And as this theme of love and this theme of conflict collide with one another, there's a whole lot of carnage that takes place. Where is that carnage seen? That carnage is seen in every relationship you and I have ever had.

No! We don't just live lives of love. We don't just live in communities of peace. We don't just enjoy unfettered and unbroken unity. We don't just have ease, and appreciation, and thankfulness, and patience, and gentleness, and forbearance in our relationships. No! We live with all kinds of conflict and all kinds of acrimony. Maybe it's true to say that as fallen people, we are better at making war than we are at making peace. That's just the fact of the matter.

So today we want to look at a wonderful explanatory passage, a passage that really helps us to understand why we experience the things that we're experiencing and how change can take place. Listen carefully; your relationships are about to change.

Music: "Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told, I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
Cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up better
I should know
So don't come round here
Tell me I told you so

Galatians 5 and Our Conflicts

Paul Tripp: I want to read to you what I think is one of the most significant, important, relational passages in all of Scripture. Now Scripture is full of discussion of relationships of relational beings, and the story of the Bible depicts the messiness of relationships. It's literally there on every page. But this is a wonderfully explanatory passage; and follow along as I read Galatians 5, beginning with verse 13 and reading through verse 15.

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Now, let me start with the back half of this passage. It ends with a warning; it says, "If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." What Paul wants us to know is that what we do and say in relationships is important. It does have an effect.

The seeds that you plant in relationships will grow into some kind of harvest. And he says, "If you're biting and devouring one another, if you're planting seeds of conflict, seeds of conflict grow a harvest of destruction." He says, "Watch out. If you keep on biting and devouring each another, you will be destroyed by one another."

Now, notice what he says. He doesn't say that the relationship will be destroyed. (Huh!) He says, "You will be destroyed." That kind of response, that kind of relational culture of conflict is personally destructive. It's destructive to our hearts. It's destructive to our faith. It's destructive to our hope and courage. It's destructive to the way that we are called to live.

Now, what the passage is made up of essentially is this contrast between these two relational lifestyles. The first thing he says is, "You, my brothers, are called to be free, but do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature." What does it mean to indulge something? Well, probably the best, simple, modern word is the word 'feed.'

When I'm indulging my appetite, I feed it. When I'm indulging my appetite at the local Chinese buffet, I'm not having one plate of food. It's on the thirty-seventh plate that I'm telling myself. "I'm not sure I know if I like the eggrolls or not. I need to eat a few more to be sure."

You see, to indulge the sinful nature means, my lifestyle is shaped by my wants, my desires, my craving. It's a 'my desire, my personal definition of happiness-driven lifestyle.' It's a lifestyle driven by what I want.

The Scriptural term would mean the kingdom that rules me is the kingdom of self. It's a self-focus, self-designed way of living. Self-defined--it's all about me; it's about what I want. And the lifestyle that flows out of that relationally is a lifestyle of manipulation.

You see, if I'm driven by my desire, what I actually want to do is manipulate you into the service of my kingdom. I want to get you to help deliver the things to me that I want. And so, if you do that, I like you; and if you don't do that, I'm angry with you.

Now, notice the whole system is driven by not evaluating you by God's law, but it's evaluating you by the laws of my kingdom, my law. If you give me what I want, I like you. If you don't give me what I want, I curse you.

The second lifestyle is characterized by this statement, "Serve one another in love." Then Paul makes an amazing statement; he says the entire law is summed up in a single command.

Now, if I were writing the Bible, and I had just written the phrase, "The entire law is summarized by a single command," what I would've written next is, "Love God above all else." But that's not what Paul writes.

What he writes is the entire law is summarized by a single command, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Now how does that fulfill all of God's law? Well, it's very simple. It's only when I love God above all else that I will love my neighbor as myself.

Here's how the two great commands were meant to operate. Out of an act of love of worship of God, I was meant to use the things that God gave me as a means of loving the people in my life. Out of worship for God, I use the things that God has provided for me as a means of loving the people in my life.

In my sin, what I actually do is I use the people to get the things that I love. And so, it's only when God is in His rightful place that I love God above all else that I'll ever love my neighbor as myself.

Now, what is the lifestyle that comes out of this? If I'm really committed to a lifestyle of serving the people around me in love, well, the lifestyle is one of ministry. I'm driven by a desire to help them experience God's best in their life. And what's the Kingdom here? It's the Kingdom of God because the Kingdom of God is all about this lifestyle of self-sacrificing love. That was the way that the King of the Kingdom lived when He was on earth.

Now, I want you to get this because this is what begins to really make this passage practical. Your relationships, every one of your relationships, is a war zone; because in every one of your relationships there's a war between these two kingdoms, the kingdom of self and the Kingdom of God--My way, my desire, my plans--and God's plans.

The kingdom of self says, "I love you, and I have a wonderful plan for your life. I know what I want you to give me." The Kingdom of God says, "God loves you, and God has a wonderful plan for your life."

Sometimes you get it right. Sometimes you really do love people in the way that God has called you to love them. Sometimes you really do lay down your life. Sometimes you are really patient, and you are kind, and you are giving, and you are caring. But there are other times when you're self-focused and self-driven, where you want, you want, you want, and we are angry with people because they've made the mistake of getting in the way of what you want.

Maybe they ate the cookie that you wanted. Maybe they took the parking place that you wanted. Maybe they said a hurtful thing that you didn't want to hear. Somehow, someway, you lash out in anger.

Now that means we need to ask this question, "As you are scanning your relationships, what, right now, which one of these lifestyles is ruling? Are you manipulating people into service of your kingdom, or are you serving people for the good of the Kingdom of God?"

Music: "Deep Calling Deep" by Margaret Becker

Deep calling deep
Calling deep, calling to deep
Calling deep, calling to deep
Calling to deep, calling deep
Calling deep, calling to deep
In this ocean of my soul
There's a voice that calls and calls
Calls to you night and day
Using words I cannot say
They are words of waiting words of want
Without you, I'm undone
Calling to deeper love
Calling to higher truth
Calling to anything that leads me
Deeper and farther on with You
Calling to deeper love
Calling to higher truth
Calling to anything that leads me
Deeper and farther on with You
Calling to deeper love
Calling to higher truth

What Galatians 5 Says About Your Conflicts

Paul Tripp: So as you were listening and thinking along with me through Galatians 5, what did Galatians 5 tell you about the conflicts in your life? Let me ask the question that I've asked already many times; and if you listen to this program, you'll hear me ask it again because I think it's a helpful question--If I watched the video of your relationships, the ones you're in right here, right now, which kingdom would I say is in control?

Do you know why we all get wrongfully angry? Here's why. When I'm yelling at you, saying and doing the wrong thing, I'm not yelling at you because you have broken God's law. I am yelling at you because you have broken my law! There are things I want; there are things that I'm convinced that I cannot live without; there are things that I've set my heart on that I just have to have. And I'm outraged that you so consistently get in the way of what I want.

Now let's examine this. Pay careful attention here; this can help you. Do you see what has happened? Even though I'm going to church, even though I read my Bible, even though I would call myself a religious person, even though I know my theology, and I would call myself a person of faith, I am no longer living for God's Kingdom.

I'm just not! At the practical, 'rubber-meets-the-road, street level,' I'm, in fact, living in the small, narrow confines of my own little self-focused kingdom. And I'm trying to get you to serve the purposes of my kingdom. And I'm mad at you when you don't!

Parents, do you see that with your children? Husbands and wives, do you see that in your marriage? Friends, do you see that staining your friendships? Neighbors, do you see that creating conflict?

You see, we have to admit this fact--That every one of our relationships is a war zone between these two kingdoms, and that war will continue to rage until this world is no more.

Irritation, impatience, bitterness, angry words, fighting, malice, slander, all result from one thing--they never result from a zeal from God's law. They're always the result of you offending my law--that's the bottom line; that's the ticket!

So here's what we've got to do, and this is very important; it's time for us to stop looking at the other person, and to begin to examine ourselves. That's the only way our conflicts are ever going to be solved. And we've got to follow that with something else. It's time for us to confess that we really have been trying to set up our own kingdom. And it's time for us to admit that what we want has become more important than what God wants for us.

A desire for a good thing becomes a bad thing when that desire becomes a ruling thing. And because we want what we want more than we want what God wants, we simply don't get along with one another very well. You see, if you're ever going to be successful in solving the conflicts in your life, you can't start with the other person. You have to humbly start with you, and you have to cry out for God's help.

A Classic Moment at the Mall

Paul Tripp: I was in the mall the other day; it was a classic moment. A husband and wife were going at it. Well, the husband was going at it with his wife. He was yelling at her, trying to be restrained, but it was pretty obvious that he was angry. And as he's yelling at her, you could see her eyes darting around. She was very aware that she was in a mall, and there were lots of people there, and she was mortified. Huh! You know; it happens to you in a flash of a moment--you're experiencing conflict.

Are you discouraged with some of the relationships in your life? Are you recognizing the conflict that is there? Have you been feeling stuck? Well, I want to refer you to another passage, another verse in Galatians 4. It says, "Those who are in Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires."

Here's what happens to me. I'm in a moment where I think I'm doing okay, and all of a sudden, I'm hit with powerful passions--a passion is a motivating emotion--and powerful desires--things that I want. And if you want to wreck your relationships, you go wherever your emotions lead you, and you go wherever your desires lead you.

I'm caught up short by powerful emotions and powerful desires, and in that moment, I need help. Jesus says that He died so that, in that moment, I would have power to say, "No!" to those emotions, and say, "No!" to those desires, not to deny them, but to affirm them, but exercise the power that Jesus has given me to say, "No!" to those emotions, and to go in a much more positive, much more peace-bearing direction. There really is hope for your relationships because of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. There's hope right here, right now.

Kate Crowley: The gift of hope, a kind word from Paul Tripp on Right Here, Right Now. Paul has more to discuss from his series called, "Conflict." Be sure and tell a friend where they can hear these words of hope on the radio or online when they visit Paul's website.

Now to help find more words of God's grace, take a look at the book, War Of Words. In this writing, Paul Tripp examines the importance of mastering godly speech and how you can bless others with your words. That's War Of Words. Log on to paultrippministries.org, all one word, paultripp, spelled T-R-I-P-P, paultrippministries.org.

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We appreciate, so much, your financial support. And if you're in the Fort Worth, Texas, area this weekend, you can join Paul at Christ Chapel Baptist Church, Saturday. Just go online for more details or call Christ Chapel at 817-546-0860.

Tomorrow, learn what worship has to do with conflict. You won't want to miss it. I'm Kate Crowley, and on behalf of Paul Tripp Ministries, I want to remind you that, in Jesus Christ, there really is help, right here, right now. See you tomorrow.