Paul Tripp: There is a mirror for you to look into. This mirror will show you your relationships with stunning accuracy. You don't have to live discouraged. You do not have to live confused. The story of the Bible can bring peace into your life.

Kate Crowley: Welcome to Right Here, Right Now and today's program from Paul Tripp Ministries. Join us as Paul connects the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life.

Peter: I thought it was the coolest idea. I thought starting a business with my best friend would be the best experience of my life.

I dreamed of us being in those 'edge-of-your-seat' business meetings and working like a well-oiled machine because we knew one another so well. I thought of business conventions all over the world. I dreamed of starting small and building up until we were a major company, you know, a force to be reckoned with. I never thought that it was possible I'd end up where I am right now.

A courier delivered the papers to me last night. I was having a small dinner gathering. It was so embarrassing. I was served papers by my best friend. He was actually suing me and had the intention of taking my company from me!

It had been my vision. Without me, he would still be working for someone else. I had made him rich. My vision had taken him around the world. But there's no thanks; there's no gratitude for what I've done for him. I guess this is all the thanks I get--a knock at the door and a summons in my hand.

I just don't get what happened to my dream. This was my best friend! How in the world could he look at me and see an enemy? I'm about to lose everything I've ever worked for, and I don't know why. I just can't, for the life of me, figure out why.

Music: "Road To Nowhere" by Talking Heads

We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride
I'm feelin' okay this mornin'
And you know
We're on a road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

Kate Crowley: This is Right Here, Right Now and learning to deal with conflict. There's more coming up from the series in today's study, "So Why Does It Happen Anyway?" from Paul Tripp.

Take a minute and call a friend and invite them to join us on today's broadcast. And while you're listening, you can log on to paultrippministries.org. Or you can pick up a copy of Paul's book War of Words, an in depth look at the power of words, both good and bad.

There are also other great video, audio, and print resources dealing with marriage and parenting. That's paultrippministries.org. And now, Right Here, Right Now continues with Paul Tripp.

Poor Peter and the Trouble We Have Getting Along

Paul Tripp: Well, we're here to talk about conflict once again. Poor Peter! What does happen to our relationships? Why is Peter being sued by his best friend? What an awful thing to go through!

Why do you and I have so much trouble getting along with that person that we once wanted to spend the rest of our life with, or to work with, or to hang around with? Why do friendships all of a sudden just go sour?

Why do we end up in unexpected conflicts with our neighbors? Why do our places of work often become relational war zones? Why do our children spend so much time fighting with one another?

It's an amazing thing! You learn so much about conflict by watching children. I remember four years of being a kindergarten principal; I laugh and say, "...the four longest years of my life."

And it was amazing! I never had to teach the children to say bad things to one another. I never had to teach them to be competitive. I never had to teach them to argue, and fight, and to be selfish, and irritable with one another. They did that quite well. They struggled with having peaceful relationships. Five-years-old and their relationships were already broken by conflict.

Why do we say unkind things even to the people that we say we love? Why have we never had a relationship that has ever been completely conflict free? Why is it that we all get pretty easily irritated? Why are we also often impatient?

Why do we ever say something that is unkind to another person? Why would we ever say something that we wouldn't want to have said to ourselves? Why would we ever break a relationship, turn our back, and walk away from another person? What is all of this stuff about? What happens to make us look at somebody that we once loved as our enemy?

It's been an amazing thing for me to experience that fact as I've counseled couples. Wow! I'll sit with a husband and wife, who fifteen years ago, adored one another; who fifteen years ago, couldn't wait to live with one another, who were so drop-dead excited about getting married.

And now they sit on my couch, one on one end and one on the other end, with a great gulf of separation between them, and they can't virtually say a civil word to one another. It's almost impossible for them to say anything that is remotely respectful and remotely kind. Why does that ever happen?

You are like me; you've got to admit it; you have way too much conflict in your life. You have way too much irritation with others. You experience way too much irritation and impatience. You often look at people as obstacles. You often see people as enemies, and so do I.

So it's time for us to gain ground. It's time for us to understand. It's time for us to reconcile what has been broken. The problem is that you and I simply cannot fix what we don't understand. We cannot fix what we don't understand.

Music: "Goodnight Tonight" by Wings

Don't get too tired for love
Don't let it end
Don't say goodnight to love
It may never be the same again
Don't say it, don't say it
Say anything but don't say
Goodnight tonight
Don't say it, don't say it
Say anything but don't say
Goodnight tonight
Don't say it, don't say it
Say anything but don't say
Goodnight tonight

James 4: Stop Looking at the Other Guy

Paul Tripp: Do you remember what James said in James 4:1-3? Well, let me summarize it for you in my own words. He said that if we're ever going to understand and solve our conflicts, we have to stop looking at the other guy and start examining ourselves. It's so easy to not do that.

Think about this. Anger, by its very nature, is self-righteous. I'm angry because I'm saying, "I'm not the problem; you are!" And that's the mistake that anger tends to make. And so James is calling us away from that. He is saying that you will only ever understand your anger by looking at yourself.

And so what I want to do is I want to take you to a place in God's Word that will help you do just that. But, I've got to do something else with you. Before I do that, I want to talk to you about how the Bible operates. I'm deeply persuaded that it's quite regular that we do not use the Bible the way that the Bible was meant to be used.

Let me get into the subject this way. Earlier in his letter, James says that the Bible is like a mirror. Think about what a mirror does in your life. If you're listening to me, you've probably looked in a mirror today.

You wake up in the morning, and you stumble to the bathroom, and you look in your mirror, suppressing your screams at the damage that the night has done. And you instinctively receive the message of the mirror as being accurate. You don't argue with your mirror, saying, "I've had you in my bathroom for all of these years, and this is the way that you're going to treat me?"

You receive the message of the mirror as being accurate, and you immediately pull out instruments of human repair to try to put yourself back in the condition that you want to be in order to make your public appearance. Some of us even add chemical substances to our epidermis to look as beautiful as we would like to look.

And so this is how the Bible is meant to work. The Bible is meant to be a mirror to show you - you as you actually are. And the amazing thing about the Biblical mirror is it doesn't just show you - you your outside, it shows you your insides, your heart as well.

Now, let me explain how the mirror of the Bible works. I don't know whether you've noticed this or not; you have to have noticed this. If you haven't noticed this, you're seriously comatose.

Your Bible isn't arranged by topic. Your Bible isn't an encyclopedia of subjects. It's not a dictionary of topics. It's not a compendium of human problems and divine solutions.

Now, maybe you wish it was. Maybe you have wished that your Bible was just arranged to a topic, with tabs on the side of the page, and it would be much easier for you to use. Maybe some of you have been frustrated because that's not the way the Bible operates.

You see, the Bible was never meant to be an encyclopedia. Your Bible is, in fact, a story, not a collection of stories; it is rather one, big, long story. It is an origin to destiny telling of the story of redemption--God's sovereign operation of grace in relationship to the world that He created that has been broken and damaged by sin.

And so everything that the Bible says is somehow, someway, connected to this overarching story. The big story of the Bible, then, is designed to make sense of the little story of every human being who has ever lived on earth.

In other words, it's only when you look into this story that you will begin to understand your own story. It's only when you look into this story that you will understand the things that you experience, like conflict.

But I have to say something further. The Bible is more than a story. It's actually a story with explanatory notes, and those explanatory notes tend to fit in two categories:

The first category is the category of propositions. The proposition is a universal truth statement that helps me to understand the story. These are things that are universally true that transcend time and culture. And those statements help me to understand the themes of the story.

On the other side are principles. The principles take the themes of the story and generalize them so that they are applicable to everyone's life. Now what's the purpose of the principles? The purpose of the proposition is understanding. The purpose of the principles is application--so I would know how to live inside of the plot of God's story in the way that He's designed.

Now if I believe that the Bible is true, then I should want to eagerly look into it so that I can see myself as I actually am--just like I want to do it with the mirror at home. I want to look into it. I want to see what I look like. I want an accurate estimation of what I need to do in order to get myself back to where I want to be.

Now, we have a problem here. The problem is that the Bible isn't the only mirror that we look into. We tend also to look in a whole catalog of carnival mirrors.

Now, what does a carnival mirror do? The carnival mirror shows you - you; but the carnival mirror shows you - you with distortion. We tend to look in the carnival mirror of cultural values, or the carnival mirror of current philosophy, or the carnival mirror of an opinion of a friend, or the carnival mirror of family values, or the carnival mirror of our own opinion of our own success. And what the carnival mirror does is it actually gives me a distorted impression of who I actually am.

So here's the point. As I deal with the disappointment of conflict in my relationships, I am not left to my own wits to figure it out by myself. It is really possible to understand what has gone wrong in our relationships.

In fact, you could argue that the Bible is, in fact, one big story of conflict. Adam and Eve, who were in beautiful, perfect, reconciled relationship with God, entered into a conflict with God when they disobeyed Him, and that conflict is really played out in every part of Scripture. And it's only as I look into that story that I understand the story of my own conflict.

It's possible to initiate positive change. There is a mirror for you to look into. This mirror will show you your relationships with stunning accuracy. You don't have to live discouraged. You do not have to live confused. The story of the Bible can bring peace into your life.

Music: "God Is With Us" by Point of Grace

Rushing river sweeps around us
Just as dark and cold as night, it surrounds us
But we pass through the water to a safer shore
We're sheltered from the raging river's roar
Though the night is long and the river's strong
Still God is with us
We can stem the tide, reach the other side
For God is with us,
God is with us (God is with us)
The river deepens, night grows darker
And the struggle seems to be getting harder
Today has troubles, yesterday has never known
But we don't have to face them on our own
Though the night is long and the river's strong
Still God is with us
We can stem the tide, reach the other side
For God is with us (God is with us)

Where Have You Been Looking?

Paul Tripp: So I just have to ask you this, "Where have you been looking to understand the conflict in your relationships?" You never have a conflict in your life that you don't try to figure out. You don't ever leave your conflicts alone--you're an interpreter. You're always trying to make sense out of your life. And so, you've tried to make sense out of your conflicts.

So, where have you turned for insight and understanding? Do you rush to the latest relationship book that's climbed the bestseller list? Do you avidly watch Oprah and Dr. Phil, hoping that you'll gain some insights?

Do you hide behind blame? Do you hide behind excuses? Do you deny that things are as bad as they actually are? Do you sit around and hope that things will get better without really understanding how that will actually ever happen? Do you always think of one person and wonder if that one person were out of your life, then you would have a lot more peace inside of you?

I had a mom once say to me, "You know, I know that the Bible says that, '...a soft answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger,' but whoever wrote that didn't have my children."

Yes, that's what we tend to do. Do you sit around and hope that things will get better, and yet you don't really understand how they will? Are you looking into the one reliable mirror--the mirror of the Word of God--The one that really does have the ability to help you to understand what has gone wrong and what you can do about it?

Or if you are honest, would you have to say, "You know, Paul, you're absolutely right. I've been spending my time looking in carnival mirrors." Could it be that you are seeing your relationships, but you are seeing them with distortion; and because you're seeing them with distortion, you haven't been able to see real change take place?

In fact, maybe your experience is you're repeating the same conflicts over and over again. Sometimes I think it would be easy for us just to record the conflict, and then we could play it over and over again and save ourselves a lot of energy.

I want you to hear me say this because I think this is very, very important. "Conflict can be so discouraging. Conflict can be so defeating. It can be so discouraging to repeat the same thing over and over again. It's so disheartening to feel like you're stuck."

But God hasn't left you alone. He has given you His Book. His Truth is meant to set you free. That big, grand, huge, comprehensive story of the Bible is meant to give you much more than history, meant to give you much more than the details of people of old.

It's given to give you much more than a chronological record of the people of Israel; it's given to give you much more than sort of the cultural details of what it was like to live in the past.

No! This story is meant to give you the big picture of everyday life in this fallen world. It's meant to give you a helicopter view of everyday life; and when you have that view, you don't get lost anymore.

That Book that you call the Bible is meant to give you courage and hope; it's meant to keep you from being stuck; it's meant to give you wisdom that you could find no other way. And so I would ask you today, "Are you looking into the one reliable mirror? Are you looking into the one place that can accurately show you what's wrong so you can actually begin to be part of positive peace in your relationships?"

(Music Interlude)

Paul Tripp: Well, Peter was blown away by what had happened in his business, and I'm sure any of us would have been as well. But he was even more blown away by what his relationship with his best friend had become.

He couldn't believe it that they were in the place that they were in. If Peter had predicted a thousand things for his life, he never would have, in a million years, have predicted that this would happen. He would never have imagined that such a thing could have taken place. But he found himself where he thought he would never be--on the other side of a courtroom from somebody whom he would've once given his life for.

It was surreal, but Peter was not without hope. Yes, he was in the courtroom, and there was no avoiding the reality of what had taken place. But Peter had begun to do something positive. He had begun to look at that one reliable mirror, and he had begun to grab hold of the hope that can only be found in the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. James says, "He gives grace, form-fit, for these moments."

Peter now knew that it was inevitable he would lose his business, but he was more and more hopeful that even at the end of all of that tragedy, he would actually regain his friend. Peter knew that he would live in this relationship once more, and he knew that actually it would be better than it ever was before.

What about you? Do you have that kind of hope? Do you really believe, that in this tragic moment, God, in His grace, is doing something for you and that you can experience a deeper, fuller love; a deeper, fuller peace than you have ever known? Why did Peter have this hope?--Because Peter had been given wisdom--wisdom that can only be found in the Word of God? What about you?

Kate Crowley: Hope! Paul Tripp and the grace that's available from the Word of God from today's lesson, "So Why Does It Happen Anyway?" on Right Here, Right Now. And don't miss tomorrow's study as Paul continues his series, "Conflict."

If you'd like to review today's lesson or you'd like a friend to hear these truths, you can order a CD online. Just go to paultrippministries.org. CD copies are just five dollars.

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Next time we are together, Paul continues his new series, "Conflict."

For Paul Tripp and all of us at Paul Tripp Ministries, I'm Kate Crowley, reminding you that, in Jesus Christ, there really is help, right here, right now. See you tomorrow.