Perhaps it’s the most frequent moral contradiction in our lives. Maybe it’s the place where we all stumble the most. How is it possible that we who have been blessed with eternal forgiveness can be so regularly unforgiving to those around us? Here are a few reminders to help us close the gap between what we say we believe and how we treat others when it comes to forgiveness. 1. Forgiveness is a daily practice. The Lord’s Prayer commands us to pray, “Forgive... Read More

It’s inevitable. If you live and interact with other sinners, you will experience conflict. Conflict shouldn’t scare you or be avoided like the plague. In fact, conflict can be very good. It’s a significant way that God works in our lives, and the Bible is a book about God entering into conflict to save us. So why are we afraid of conflict? Because it tends to get very ugly, very quickly. Our typical response s to point the finger at our opponent: “I did that because you…” or “I wouldn’t... Read More

When was the last time you talked with a friend? I’m not sure how serious the conversation was, but one thing I am sure of is this: your words were not insignificant. There’s an amazing proverb that Eugene Peterson translates: “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.“ (Proverbs 18:21, The Message ) How do you use words to “give life“ to your friendship? Does it mean that you quote Scripture incessantly? Should you continuously point out the sin in... Read More

Are you struggling with a friendship? It’s tempting to evaluate the trouble and identify the source of trouble as outside of your control. You wouldn’t be entirely wrong. Your friends are inherently weak and sinful; you can’t change them. Their words and actions will affect you in hurtful and harmful ways; you can’t control them. Unfortunately, so are we. And so do ours. When sin in a friendship splashes up in your face, how will you respond? Will you compound... Read More

Last week I put your friendships to the test with a list of questions centered around this issue: Have you ever been let down by a friend? I know the answer was a resounding yes. The evidence is all around, probably even this week. There will be many times in life where you are the victim. This is a hard theological pill to swallow: As the victim, you are still responsible for your response to being sinned against. Don’t misunderstand. The Bible is a very realistic book. It... Read More

Have you ever been let down by a friend? Pick any friendship – in fact, choose your most satisfying friendship – and put it to the test with these questions: • Have you ever felt misunderstood? • Have you ever been hurt by what the other person said? • Have you ever felt that you haven’t been heard? • Have you ever been betrayed? • Have you ever had to work through a misunderstanding? • Have you ever disagreed on a decision?... Read More

Human relationships exist on a continuum between isolation and immersion. Do you move away from others because you want to be safe and avoid hurt (isolation)? Or do you move towards others because you think you need them to live (immersion)? While most of us don’t tend to live at either of these extremes, we do tend towards independence or co-dependence. Whether we know it or not, every relational decision we make is moving in one of these directions. Where we are on the continuum... Read More

We live in two juxtaposed realities when it comes to our relationships. Some of our deepest joys have been the result of people, while some of our most painful hurts have been the result of people. (Maybe even the same person!) Which is your relational reality right now? Maybe you’re experiencing the best and worst of both simultaneously? Regardless of where you are, the biblical fact of the matter is that you were made for relationships. Genesis 2:18 tells us that it is not good... Read More

Everyone has hit that wall. Why bother with other people? - A husband or wife decides it’s not worth opening up to their spouse anymore after years of criticism, bickering and hurtful words. - An employee goes to work, shuts his door, and only comes out when it’s time to go home, hoping to avoid any interaction with co-workers. - A teenager comes home from school and goes to her room until she is coaxed (or threatened) to join the family for dinner. - Family gatherings are... Read More