Today is Valentine's Day. Bring out the bouquet of roses, the box of chocolates, and the romantic dinner reservation! Maybe the night will even end with some sexual intimacy that has been missing for a while. But what about tomorrow?
I'm convinced that there are hundreds of thousands of Christian couples living in a relationship called marriage, but that don't actually live in a biblical marriage. The relationship has deteriorated far from God's design of what a healthy marriage should look like.
I'm not talking about adultery or physical violence or one or two "big moments" of sin against a spouse. From the outside, these marriages look stable, maybe even healthy. But on the inside, the structure of the marriage has been destroyed by the drip, drip, drip of "little moments" of relational laziness and personal selfishness.
One of the dangers of Valentine's Day is that you think you can mend a hurting relationship with a few hours or romance. "If I just get her that gift she really wants, that will smooth things over," a husband might say. Or, "If we have a really good night in the bedroom, he will think things are going well," a wife might reason. Listen, I'm all for romantic acts and sexual intimacy in a marriage, but romance and good sex are the fruit of a healthy marriage, not the foundation.
Do You Trust Each Other?
What's the foundation of a healthy marriage? Well, I could start in a lot of places, and if you know me, I would probably start with a vertical relationship with God instead of a horizontal relationship with your spouse. But I want to get intensely practical with you on Valentine's Day.
We'll get practical by using TRUST as a barometer. Do you trust your spouse? Would your spouse say that you're good for your word and faithful to your promises? Do you ever wonder what the other is doing when they're not with you?
I have created a trust questionnaire for you and your spouse to go through. It's a comprehensive 11-page, 22-question survey on the trust (or lack thereof) in your marriage, complete with follow-up and analysis to each of the questions.
Don't rush through this. Set aside an hour or so in the near future and be committed to the honest evaluation of your marriage. There is help for you in the Word of God and the Body of Christ.
Happy Valentine's Day!
P.S. - if you haven't seen it yet, I released a new devotional on love from 1 John 4. "The Invitation To Love" is available with your donation of any amount!